Hell in a Handbasket
by Yukie666
Summary: It was supposed to have been a simple mission. Now women falling from the frigging sky. AU Obviously, OOCs galore, and mature content. Not suggested for those under 15.
1. That doesn't look like rain

Disclaimer: obviously don't own Teen Titans or Naruto.

Legend: "Yo" Elemental/Japanese

"_Yo" English_

"**Yo" Summon/Tailed Beast/Inner Being**

'Hmm' Thoughts

* * *

Hell in a Hand Basket

Chapter 1: When the world went to hell.

'Channel chakra to the legs to boost reaction and muscle mass, channel slightly more to the soles of the feet to aid traction while landing. Release chakra from the feet when landing so you don't trip up and leap towards the next branch or tree, repeat.'

These were the thoughts of the freshly minted Chunin, Naruto Uzamaki; currently en route to Rice country for a pick up for his first solo mission. Something the blonde teenager was not quite happy about. Most Chunins solo missions consisted of document retrieval or even the breaking up of bandit camps. His? He was being sent to Rice country to pick up a shipment of spirits. Not exactly how Naruto planned to start his illustrious solo career as a Chunin. Not that he was truly complaining; he was content with any mission that would take him out of village for a period of time.

'Channel chakra, leap, become blinded by flash of light… wait flash of light? Oh fuck, that can't be good.'

Naruto slipped in surprise as his pupils shrunk in adjustment to the sudden increase of light. Thankfully he wasn't too far above the ground, so the injuries weren't too serious. A minor bruise, a couple scrapes, nothing too bad. He'd be sore but he'd heal. The question on his mind was the cause of that burst of light, this part of the country was uninhabited aside from the odd hunter or fisherman. He'll even the Anbu didn't patrol this way too often, the terrain was pretty flat and trees were a bit spread out from each other. An invasion force or even a small scouting party would've been nuts to even think of coming through here, there was no true cover to hide their numbers. That only left the possibility of a missing ninja or a trap set by said missing ninja.

Instantly he was alert, drawing a pair of kunai and taking up a stance reminiscent of the one Asuma-sensei when he used his trench knives. He glanced around his surrounding, cursing his stupidity for not paying attention to the sensory techniques during his tenure in the academy, leaving him with the basics. Meaning, he stood stock still, straining his ears in an attempt to listen for something out of place. But all that he heard was the sound of the breeze as it ruffled the leaves of the surrounding tree and some small animal burrowing in the grass, most likely a squirrel or a mouse.

Letting several moments pass, Naruto eased his stance. If he was under attack, he was sure his opponent would have done something to him by now. That light was probably an old flash tag left by a passing Anbu patrol. He was about to replace his kunai when the oddest thing happened to him. A young woman fell into his arms. So it wasn't too surprising that he dropped one of his kunai as his body tried to adjust to the weight of the girl. It was even less surprising when said kunai found itself stuck in his foot, exactly between the material that kept it bound to his foot.

So blinking tears from his eyes, glancing between the girl in his arms and the kunai that was mocking him as it impaled his foot, he did what felt right in this situation. Adjusting the girl in his arm, he reached down and removed the kunai, hissing as he did, before straightening back up. He was honestly surprised he didn't cry out during any of this situation, but as he watched the wound seal itself he forgot to keep aware of his surroundings, or he wouldn't miss the odd whistling sound that seemed to increase as if getting closer or the odd sound of fabric fluttering as it passed through the air. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have been surprised when his world faded to black.

* * *

"I want my Naru-chan!" A blonde woman wailed as she sat at her desk, glaring holes at the black haired woman who stood across from her. "Shizune, why did you send my sweet Naru-chan away?"

"He came to me requesting a mission that would take him out of the village, so I gave him one. Even though it was a D-rank; I even marked it up to a C-rank so he would get a little bit more pocket money."

"But my Naru-chan doesn't get missions from that pile; he gets his from this pile." The blonde spouted off as she reached into her desk, retrieving a scroll that was bound with an orange ribbon. "These were specially selected for someone of his caliber."

Shizune just heaved a sigh before ripping the scroll from her master, slipping the ribbon off with one hand as she unfurled it with the other. Eyes moved quickly taking in information before she rewound it, pausing only massage her face as tension built in her temples, a sign of the impending migraine.

"This is a mission detailing in and I quote 'Six days of pleasure, followed by seven nights of unbridled passion."

"I thought we would start off slow." Tsunade replied in a serious tone.

"This…" Shizune grabbed another from the forsaken drawer. "This is a mission about a night on the town before finishing the night off giving each other oral sex!"

"This is in his best interest, man of his stature and talents should broaden his horizons when it comes to sex."

"These aren't real missions you crazy woman, these are spoof gifts ninjas give to each other when they're attempting to rekindle the spark in their relationships."

"But I gave them the appropriate rank and even the Hokage seal."

"Getting someone to go down on you is not a B-rank; a weeklong sexual excursion cannot possibly be an S-rank."

"Shizune, you know that's not true, I can sure make it feel like one."

Shizune's mental processes tried to comprehend the crap her long time mentor was spouting, but gave up the ghost when Tsunade started to go into positions and techniques. Every day was like this and every day she felt a piece of her immortal soul slip away into the ether. It's been like this ever since poor Naruto returned from his training trip with Master Jiraiya. She was beginning to wish her migraine would evolve into a full blown stroke. The loss of speech and motor functions would've been welcome if they managed to get her away from this madness for a bit of time.

"…the trick is to use circular motions…"

"Tsunade-sama…" Shizune's brow began to tick…

"… and the ability to flutter one's tongue is most important…"

"Tsunade-sama please…" Cue full blown facial twitch.

"… one should work on bringing the other to the cusp of climax before slowing down to prolong the…"

"Tsunade!"

"Shizune you don't look so good, almost like you're about one step short of a stroke…"

"It's time to make your rounds at the hospital, the head nurse wishes for an update on Master Jiraiya's condition."

Tsunade disposition instantly soured at the mere mention of the man.

Tsunade just crossed her arms before going into a pout. "I'm not going."

"But you have to; you have a duty to all the patients in the hospital, especially Jiraiya."

The pout was still in place. "Why should I help him of all people?"

Shizune was really wondering if an aneurism was really too much to ask for at this point.

"Because... I don't know… maybe the fact that you were the one to put him into the hospital has something to do with it?"

"He took my Naru-chan away for three years. Three years Shizune! Do you know what it's like to sit at home wondering how their beloved is doing? It's too much for a young maiden's heart."

"You're old enough to be his grandmother." Deadpanned Shizune.

"I'm still young at heart Shizune."

Shizune sighed as she tried to break reason to her insane boss.

"It was for training Tsunade-sama. So he would learn to better protect himself from his enemies. It was well within Master Jiraiya's rights to take his apprentice out of the village for a training sabbatical."

"Not when he takes my Naru-chan away!"

"You beat him within an inch of his life when they returned; the hospital staff had to put him into a medically induced coma so his mind wouldn't break from the pain!"

"I still stand by my point."

Shizune really wanted to reach over that desk and wring the life from her master's neck but she buried that line of thinking down, where several months down the line it would develop into an ulcer, and tried to compromise.

"Tsunade-same, Naruto will return within two days. Now if you do your rounds, maybe… just maybe I'll let you go to dinner with him. Only if you're a good girl though."

Shizune could honestly say she wasn't surprised to find herself staring at an empty seat or the displacement of air as her mentor rushed towards the doorway, pausing only to ask a question.

"And the oral sex?"

"We'll discuss the terms as we walk Tsunade-sama…" Shizune ground out.

Following her crazed mentor as she pathed through the hall that led to reception, past the two Anbu that stood as security; stopping to glare at the one in the walrus mask.

"You are not, do you hear me? Not to repeat a breath of what you just heard to anyone. You got that?"

Receiving a nod, Shizune heaved a sigh as she jogged to catch up with her crazed boss.

Once Shizune had wandered well out of earshot, Walrus spoke…

"You know back in my day, missions consisted of espionage and assassination."

The hall fell into silence for several moments before a snort was heard, followed by another, before full blown laughter echoed through the halls.

* * *

Naruto couldn't believe it. How the hell did a simple mission turn into something like this. Sure, he and his team had an odd bit of luck when it came to C-rank missions, but those consisted of missing ninja or evil corporations. Not goddamn women falling out of the sky. That just didn't make a lick of sense. But here he was, sitting in the middle of an empty forest, with two unconscious girls to the left and the right of him. Both wearing odd clothing, both having odd skin tones; the larger of the two being orange while the smaller had an odd grayish color to her skin. He didn't even want to know why her hair was oddest shade of purple while her larger companion had a more normal color of black.

Now he was stuck in a conundrum. He was in the middle of a mission, glorified beer run that it may be, but still a mission. With two unconscious girls with no discernable injuries, since he checked as far as he could ethically. And to top things off there wasn't a town within forty miles of his position. He needed to make a decision, he needed help, someone that could be the voice of reason. He made a simple hand seal, bringing a companion of the identical variety into being. Looking back on this day, he would question why the hell he decided to ask an opinion of one of **his** clones.

"Sup boss? Whoa, who's the cutie?" His double asked as glanced down at the violet headed teen.

"Don't know; seem to have fallen out of the sky."

"Didn't we wish for a situation like this to happen years ago?"

"You do have a point." Naruto nodded to his double. "Maybe karma works in time or something."

"So… should we wish for something else? I don't know maybe for the sky to rain ramen since it apparently is willing to make it rain girls."

"We'll worry about it later after we figure out what we do with these two."

"Signal Anbu?" The cloned asked.

"Can't; no patrol due out this way for a while since we're in a time of peace."

"What about finding a village and get some help."

"Closest village is twenty miles west."

"Well shit, maybe we should take them back home before going back and complete the mission. Maybe track down Sakura."

"One problem, where there's Sakura, there will be Sasuke."

"We can't win can we? What about Shizune-chan?"

"Possibility of being left alone with Tsunade, not a situation we would like."

"So what the hell do we do? We can't just as well leave them here." The clone said as he gestured to the unconscious girls.

"We are going to have to face hell my friend, face it with a smile on our face as we go against oblivion."

"I'm going to assume we're going to track down Shizune, and by meaning oblivion you mean Tsunade, right?"

"You better believe it." Naruto said as he picked up the black haired girl, shifting her body so she would be comfortable.

"I was worried you would say that, though…" The clone looked down into the face of the girl he was carrying, smiling when she turned her face to nuzzle into his chest, sighing as she did. "…I guess some sacrifices can be made."

* * *

Another world entirely…

"What do you mean you have no idea where you sent them? How could this happen?" A black haired youth screamed at a cloaked figure. "You know we don't kill criminals or send them to unknown dimensions. We are supposed to be the good guys. Does sending someone to another dimension sound like something the good guys do, Raven?"

The cloaked teen now known as Raven just continued to stand there in silence, listening as her team leader continued to berate her for her mistake.

Another youth stepped up to the raging teen, laying a hand on the boys shoulder. "Robin man, you need to ease up. Everyone makes mistakes at some point in their lives."

"Most people mistakes don't result in an action that could possibly result in the deaths, she doesn't even have an idea where she sent them. Could be deep space or a planet with no atmosphere for all we know."

Raven turned away, brushing away the hand of the other female in room, before making her way to her bedroom.

"Dude, not cool man." Beastboy commented as he watched his teammate walk away.

Neither of them expected the other female of their team to walk up to Robin before nearly knocking him into the wall with a slap before gliding after Raven.

"What the hell is wrong with her?" Robin asked as he rubbed his cheek.

"Do you even listen to yourself when you speak?" Beastboy grunted before leaving the room.

"Friend Raven, are you okay?"

Raven nodded slightly as she withdrew a book from its brethren, leafing through its pages before she replaced it, withdrawing another before turning to her visitor.

"I'm fine Star."

"But Robin was acting like a donkey as they say here?"

'Donkey?' Raven questioned in her mind before she figured out what the alien was trying to say. "Yes he was being an ass." 'Even if he had a point.'

"Indeed he was being a great ass of the hole."

"You mean asshole, Starfire."

"That was the word I was looking for, thank you friend Raven. Do you mind if I ask you a question Raven."

"Hmm?"

"What are you going through your books for?"

"Trying to find something that would assist me in locating our wayward enemies."

"Is there anything I could do to help, friend Raven?"

"You can help me go through these books; maybe we can find something about accidental transportations or tracking others."

Soon both girls sat in silence as they skimmed through various passages…

* * *

Back in the Elemental nations…

Silence echoed through the empty office, even the breeze that came through the opened window didn't make a sound as it caressed the empty desk. But soon silence was replaced with a shuffle of a fabric as a tuft of blonde followed by a head. Eyes shifted left and two the right, as they checked to make sure the coast was clear.

"Looks like the office is empty, Tsunade must be at the hospital making her rounds."

Another head popped up, identical to the first one, as it heaved a sigh of relief.

"Shizune must be with her." Naruto commented as he stepped over the sill and into the room.

"So what are we going to do with the girls? Leave them here and go get Shizune."

Naruto just bent down as he relieved his clone of its burden before walking over to the couch that sat against the wall and placed the two unconscious girls down.

"No, I'm going to stay here and keep an eye on the girls, while you…" He gestured to the clone. "…are going to find Shizune-chan and tell her to meet me here. Sneak her away if you have to."

The clone paled as it listened to its creator's demands. "You can't send me boss, you know what Tsunade will do to me if she finds, what she'll do to you once she realized once she realizes that I'm just a simple clone. Think of the consequences…" A smack to the head silenced the clone's ramblings momentarily.

"Jesus man, you're basically me. What would I do in this situation?"

"Run away while throwing Ero-sennin in Tsunade's path to give yourself a lead?"

Another smack was his answer as Naruto palmed his face. "While that is true, you need to look at it this way. This is basically a sneaking mission correct?"

The clone nodded.

"And we're ninja right?" Cue another nod from the double. "So change your appearance with transformation. Make it something that wouldn't be obvious that you're me."

"So sexy form is out…" He ignored the glare his creator gave him as he made a hand seal before being enshrouded in smoke.

Naruto couldn't help but arch an eyebrow as he saw the form his clone. Blonde hair gave way to a sullen black. Tanned skin became deeply pales, near translucent. The usually cheerfully face became blank, and he couldn't describe the outfit except for one thing, no man should willingly wear a shirt that exposed his stomach.

"The hell is that?"

"Well boss…" The clone commented as it took in its appearance. "…we've been called many things in our time, but never emo."

"And the outfit?" Naruto gestured to his clones get up.

"Felt right."

Naruto couldn't help but shake his head as his clone continued to turn to and fro, taking in more of its appearance. Honestly the amount of stupidity his clones, and by extension himself, even if the clone had a point.

"Whatever, just go get Shizune-chan. Tell her it's an emergency. Give her a small briefing, but make it a point that she needs to come here as soon as possible."

With a thumbs up and a salute, the clone leapt to the window sill before jumping down to the closest rooftop, bounding from roof to roof as it made its way to hospital.

Naruto watched it for a few moments before feeling the call of nature. Walking towards the Hokage's private water closet, he glanced over the occupants of the couch, finding both to be snoring peacefully. Taking that as a good sign, he opened the door to the small room and closed it behind him as the scent of jasmine hit his nose. A sign that the old man was really gone, replaced by a insane, yet still feminine woman. Even the book that sat on the corner of the sink was different. What used to be a volume of Icha Icha gave way to a how-to book, titled 'The Way of the Cougar: How to Bag Yourself a Sexy Boy Toy', making the blonde teen shudder as his eyes passed over its cover. Ignoring the book, as the pressure in his abdomen made itself known yet again, he walked to toilet and hummed as he tended his business. Oblivious to the movement that was happening just outside the room.

* * *

As soon as the click of a lock echoed through the room, pink eyes snapped open and began to scan the surroundings. Soon a small form sat up, easing its companion to the side. Jill Manx, aka Jinx, found herself in an odd situation. Something that wasn't quite out of the ordinary for the small girl to admit. Happened quite a lot in her choice of a career if she was honest with herself. Looking around she found that she wasn't alone in her predicament, Blackfire laid next to her on the small couch. Apparently the Tamaranean wasn't fast enough to escape from the Goth bitch's attack unscathed, but seeing the alien girl was snoring peacefully, she assumed she was unharmed as herself was. Stepping up, careful to not upset the snoozing girl, she took in her surroundings. They appeared to be in an office of some sort. Shelves lined the walls, carrying books written in an language she couldn't decipher, but seemed oddly familiar. One wall held an assortment of pictures, the first four depicting men wearing similar clothing while the fifth was of a blonde woman, a woman with the largest bust Jinx had ever seen, she too wore the clothes the others did albeit more casually.

Stepping away from the couch, Jinx stood in front of the shelves, glancing at the bindings of the books in front of her, finally recognizing the foreign characters for what they were, everything was written in Japanese. Resisting the urge to pull a book and view its contents. Preferring instead to shuffle over to the desk that sat off center, she dragged the tips of her fingers across the worn surface. Scroll and various bits littered the desk, a small pile being weighed down by a clay bottle. A scroll caught her eye, bound with an orange ribbon, before the sounds of a toilet flushing came from the room next door. Panicking, the girl did the only thing she could think of, jammed the scroll down her shirt and leapt on top of the bookshelf that sat next to the door. She was stuck in a strange place, no idea how she got here aside a pair of voices she heard, and by damn she was going to get some answers…

* * *

Naruto heaved a sigh of relief as he dried his hands. Still humming a tune, he tossed the paper towel in the trash receptacle near the door, before stepping out into the quiet office.

'Hopefully that clone found Shizune-chan.' Naruto thought to himself, oblivious to the shadow that was looming over him at the moment.

Only when something in the back of his mind told him to turn around, did he realize that the couch was missing one occupant.

'The small one… That would explain the looming sensation.' Turning to the shadow, he swallowed the bit of fear that grew in the back of his throat and tried to sound as friendly as possible.

"You think we can talk about this?"

The only answer he received was the world going white and breath was hard to come by.

Jinx positioned herself like a cat as she waited for her captor to exit the bathroom. She didn't even have to wait long, before a mop of blonde hair walked in front the shelf, prime position for an attack from above. An attack that she executed with deadly precision, except for the fact that the target was beginning to turn towards her as she leapt…

Naruto found himself in the oddest position to date, the small girl, a girl he assumed to be a non threat, wasn't. He sure as hell didn't expect her to attempt a neck breaker on him, or smother him to death with her crotch while she tried to rip two fistfuls of hair from his head all the while. It was moments like this that made him think of his almost late master…

Several months prior…

Two figures sat around a campfire, stars twinkling across the canopy of the night sky. Both figures made small talk, while the smaller poked at the coals, causing embers to rise into the sky, while the larger jotted down notes in a small book pausing to look to his young companion.

"Naruto?"

The youth paused his prodding to look at his master. "Hmm?"

"Did they ever explain what the neck snapper hold is in the academy?"

"Iruka sensei said it was a technique usually employed by female ninja during a grapple. Supposed to use their body as leverage to snap the brain stem; though it can also be used to cause unconsciousness if the target has strong enough muscles in the neck, or the user doesn't have the strength to wrench their body properly. Why Ero-Sennin?"

"He ever explain how to free yourself if caught in this move?"

"I remember him saying something about leaning back to rob people of their leverage, even biting if the situation was dire."

"What about a reverse neck breaker? He ever explain how to get out of those."

"Aren't the two moves similar? I mean what difference does the girl on the front or back make."

Jiraiya couldn't help but grin at his youthful protégé's naivety. This was the perfect example of why he loved to spread his knowledge to the younger generation.

"The reverse is a bit more intimate, Naruto."

"How could someone trying to snap my neck be seen as intimate? Wrapping her legs around my neck, jamming my face in her… oh…"

"Oh… indeed my boy…"

Both males paused and drew in deep breaths as they imagined Naruto's revelation.

"But I have a piece of knowledge that will let you get away from that dreaded move."

Naruto's ears instantly perked at the mention of a technique. Technique meant training, something the boy felt he wasn't given enough of since the training trip was just an excuse Jiraiya made to get the boy away from the village and some experience out in the world. He nodded for the older man to continue.

"If you find yourself being smothered…

"Yes…"

"The trick is…"

"Damn it old man, just tell me already!"

"Blow a raspberry…"

"You can't be serious. How the hell is blowing a raspberry going to help me?"

"Just give it a thought; the answer will come to you."

Naruto did as he was told, thinking about what his teacher just mentioned, before flushing deeply, causing Jiraiya to roar with laughter.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"But the look on your face…" Jiraiya spoke as he attempted to regain his breath. "…I'm sorry Naruto but I had to laugh, you should've seen your face."

"What the hell did you expect? Giving me such dirty advice."

Back to the present…

Naruto tried to say something, but his voice was lost due to the cloth muffling. His attacker still kept her hold on his hair, barking questions in some strange language, demonic tongues from the sound of her tone.

"_Who are you? Where are we? You didn't touch me in a perverted way did you, you bastard?" _

Each question was brought its point with a violent tug on his hair, nearly ripping it from the roots. Every time he tried to answer, his voice would be muffled by cloth, making him experience the taste of cotton.

"_Answer me or so help me god, I'm going to snap your neck!" _

Now that sounded like a threat, language barrier be damned. Fearing for his beloved locks and the cramp in his neck from being supporting the irate girl was really starting to bother him, Naruto resorted to desperate measure. Licking his lips and inadvertently the cloth that covered his mouth, he blew a raspberry. The effects were instantaneous…

"_Eeeep! What the hell do you think you're doing you pervert?" _ The girl screamed as the she wrenched his head back so blue eyes could meet pink.

Then he felt the most horrendous sensation followed by the most ominous sense of foreboding; Tsunade had found out that he was back in the village. Survival instinct took hold; he twirled the girl around so she was hanging from the back of his neck as the tower rumbled. Support beams shuddered as doors on the lower level were torn from their frames as others smashed into the wall. The empty sake jug danced as vibrations rose from the lower levels of the towers. Not a moment later, the door slammed open. Scaring the life out two people while waking the third.

"Naru-chan!

* * *

The atmosphere at the hospital was rolling like pot of boiling water. Doctors, nurses, even orderlies were scrambling to get everything out of control. No one had a clue at just what happened. One moment everything was calm, the next a localized typhoon tore through the place. Tossing paperwork, carts of medicine, and the odd elderly man. The latter weeping in pain as his catheter was tore from him. But that wasn't the worse of it. In a room, isolated from the rest, laid a man. Completely cut off from the world with the aid of chemicals.

This man was supposed to have a routine checkup. See how far his injuries had healed since his admittance to the hospital. All was going hunky dory, well it was for a moment before his caretaker realized who her apprentice was talking to in the hall. Even through the chemically induced haze Jiraiya felt his leg snap in three places before his bed and himself was tossed outside… through the closed window and the wall surrounding said window. It would be an hour before someone realized he was missing…

Naruto had stared down death many times since the beginning of his shinobi career. Missing ninjas from Hidden Mist, crazed demon container with sleep deprivation issues, even a Sannin with pedophiliac tendencies. None of them made him quiver like the one that stood before with its amorous smile and crazed eyes.

"Naru-chan you came back for me. I knew you couldn't keep away from your darling Tsunade-chan."

Fear had a new name for one Uzumaki. Even the girl hanging off him had ceased in trying to tear his hair out to watch what the blonde woman was doing. Soon the Hokage stepped forward in attempt to embrace the object of her affection. But every step forward she took, Naruto took one back. He knew what happened to his clone, the sensation of its heading popping before it dispelled would haunt him for weeks to come. Thankfully his savior was running upstairs at this very moment. He just need to hold off Tsunade for a few more moments.

"Naru-chan, why are you backing away from me?"

'Because you want to dry hump me to death maybe?' Naruto thought as he backed up further, only for his legs to bump against the couch. The fact he had nowhere to run wasn't lost on him or the blonde as her grin turned predatory.

"I wanted our first time to be in a bed with rose petals, but if you feel like the couch, who am I to argue."

Naruto swallowed shallowly as the blonde grew closer. But the gods took pity on the youth and sent him a savior.

"Tsunade-sama! Do you know what you did?" Shizune bellowed from the doorway.

'Shizune, I could kiss you.' Thought Naruto as his ebony haired savior made her presence known.

"Come to deflower my Naru-chan?"

"No you goddamn lunatic? You threw Jiraiya out of a window, a fourth floor window I might add."

"But Naru-chan…"

"Naruto-chan nothing you damn lunatic! The hospital is a mess; the staff are in an uproar!"

"_Could everyone quit with the shouting, it's killing my head." _

One could hear a pin drop in the office as six heads turned to focus on the girl. Even the Anbu left their posts to look into the room.

"_Did I say something wrong?"_ The girl asked as she took in the various faces staring at her.

Several things happened at once. Shizune realized this girl and the one clinging to Naruto's head were the ones the clone mentioned before it literally popped. Tsunade realized that Naruto had snuck two girls into her office, and one seemed to quite content in grinding her crotch into Naru-chan's neck, something that cause several synapses in her brain to fry. The Anbu and Naruto realized that they were about to be at ground zero, Walrus let a tear slip when he felt Tsunade begin to gather chakra in her fists.

Ripping the leg from his mouth, Naruto attempted to run damage control as Tsunade began to stomp forward.

"Tsunade, this isn't what it looks like!"

Chakra began to roll off the women in visible waves.

"Tsunade-chan?"

The floorboards began to warp and split under the chakra assault.

"Naru-chan, who are these hussies and why is the one rubbing herself against you?"

All Naruto could do was sweat bullets as he stared at the straining fists that were no more than a yard from him.

"No answer hmm? I guess I'll just have to show them the way out, yes?"

Naruto was honestly surprised that his bowels and bladder held up at this point. He brought these girls here to seek help, not to be snuffed out by a woman scorned.

Tsunade cocked her right arm back, her target? The petrified girl that was straddling her lover's shoulders. "Hold still dear, this will only hurt for a moment."

Naruto shut his eyes as he waited imminent destruction at the hands of an irate female. When imminent destruction didn't come he cracked an eye open, only to find a crazed Tsunade being held down by Shizune and her Anbu entourage.

"Naruto! You need to take those girls and get out of here. We can't hold Tsunade for much longer…"

"But Shizune…" Naruto cried out as he watched one of the important women in his life was about to get herself killed right before his eyes.

"Forget about me Naruto. Get those girls out of here NOW! I'll send someone to your apartment later to check on them. Just get them out here!"

Naruto nodded as blinked the tears from his eyes. He wasn't about to let Shizune's sacrifice be in vain. The girl attached to his head seemed to be petrified of the killing intent that Tsunade was directing towards her, while the couch bound one sat silent, not even putting up any resistance to when he scooped her up and ran towards the window. Pausing to take one more look at Shizune's noble sacrifice before he leapt out the window. The noise of the wind being drowned out by the squealing of the girl attached to his scalp, making the concentration required to perform a body flicker nearly impossible. With the ground getting closer by the millisecond, Naruto finally managed the technique, disappearing in a cloud of smoke just fifteen feet above a stunned pedestrian.

* * *

"Friend Raven, what does this incantation do?"

Raven looked up from her reading to glance at the passage Starfire was pointing out.

"It's to make the perfect bowl of popcorn."

"Not useful for our endeavor then?"

"Just movie nights, keep looking."

* * *

Naruto was beyond glad when the interior of his apartment came into focus. He hated using the body flicker technique without seals, drained too much of his chakra and had a habit of not quite placing him where he wanted to be. Finding oneself a hundred feet above the ground was never a pleasant experience. But it seemed to have worked fine this time thankfully.

Next came the checking of his passengers. The girl hanging off his back seemed to have gone catatonic; the only movement he could feel was her slow breathing. The girl he was carrying seemed fine if not slightly queasy. 'Must've been her first time.' Naruto thought as he placed her down on his ratty but comfortable couch. Then began the task of peeling miss catatonia from him. Once that was settled he walked to his kitchenette and drew a glass of water for the dark haired girl, who accepted it gratefully, not that he could understand a word she was speaking.

Never in her life felt so sick, not after eating on of Starfire's various culinary attempts, not even her first 'monthly' did she feel such unease in her stomach. She was still at a loss at what had happened during the past five minutes. Wake up in a strange room on a couch, Jinx trying to smother their savior/captor with her crotch, a door being kicked in by a women with the largest rack she had ever seen, followed by said women attempting to kill her and Jinx before being scooped up and the sense of vertigo hitting her. Finishing up with her being in a small apartment. She was about to stand when another wave of nausea hit her, before finding a glass of a water in front of her face.

Naruto held a small glass of water out to her with a small smile. "This should help settle your stomach."

Blackfire accepted the glass of water without a comment before looking up into Naruto's face and couldn't help but blush, upset stomach forgotten.

Now Blackfire had a bit of experience around the male sex, both terrestrial and extra, but never had she met someone that stole the breath from her body. During her travels around the galaxy and planet earth, she met plenty of boys she would describe as cute. Robin was cute, even with the domino mask, Beastboy could've been called cute, if you squinted and possibly be recovering from a head injury. But neither those two nor any others she met during her travels could compare to what stood before her.

Blonde hair, longer than most men but not excessively so, framed a face that still held a bit of roundness of youth but was giving way to the sharpness of adulthood. Set in this handsome face were two eyes that were the deepest blue, and his smile. Gods, words just couldn't describe his smile. His face creased slightly when he smiled, combining with the marks on his cheek that could only remind her of whiskers, making him look vulpine and quite mischievous. So enraptured with his face, Blackfire didn't notice Jinx regained her physical capabilities and looked quite perturbed. She did notice Jinx dragging her Adonis away though.

Naruto gave the ebony haired maiden a smile he hoped would set her at ease. Though the way she seemed to study his face didn't help his. He was about to ask her if she was okay when he felt someone grip his shoulder as they twirled him. Bringing him face to face with an irate girl.

"_Who the hell do you think you are? What kind of idiot leaps from a window several stories up?"_

He couldn't make head or tails of what the girl was trying to say; only that she was very angry.

"_And who was that big breasted cow and why did she look like she was going to kill me?"_

Still gibberish.

"You do realize I can't understand a word you're saying right?"

The girl seemed to bite back a remark, slipping into thoughts before speaking.

"You…are…asshole!"

Naruto couldn't help but arch a brow at that. He honestly didn't expect her to say something like that.

"Idiot…retard…dickhead, stupid bastard, are you retarded or just plain nuts?" The girl screamed out before sucking in a large breath.

Surprise couldn't even hope to describe what Naruto was feeling at this moment. "Wow, never seen anyone pick up elemental so quick."

The pink haired girl couldn't help but glare. "I'm not speaking 'Elemental' it's called Japanese you damn idiot. Every member of the hive has to learn it along with German, French and several other languages."

"No…" Naruto drawled out, trying not to grin at the girl's stupidity. "Its Elemental, the language of the Elemental Nations. Did you hit your head or something?"

The girl seemed to have gone silent at this comment. Pondering some thoughts, her face souring as the seconds passed by.

"Where are we?"

"The Hidden Leaf village in the Land of Fire."

Soured gave way to surprise before sadness came into being.

"And what planet are we on?"

Now that question stumped Naruto, it took him several moments to remember what Iruka said years ago during a class on astronomy.

"I think it's called Gaia."

"Gaia, not Earth…"

Panic began to appear on her face, whatever news he gave her wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"Where the hell did that Goth bitch send us?" She muttered quietly, asking herself rather than asking him.

Naruto was beginning to get worried when he saw tears begin to form in the corners of her eyes. He was about to put a hand on a shoulder and ask if she was okay when he felt himself get turned around yet again. Finding himself in a lip lock with the girl that was previously sitting on the couch. He couldn't move, couldn't even attempt to push her away as she deepened the kiss.

* * *

Blackfire just sat quietly as she watched Jinx argue with Mr. handsome, starting in English before slipping into a language she didn't recognize though it sounded oddly familiar to those 'anime' shows people watched on earth. Which left her with a wee bit of a problem, the man (she couldn't find herself calling this perfect being anything but) in front of her couldn't understand English; she obviously had no idea what language he spoke. Even if sounded familiar. This problem needed to be rectified at once. So she did what any Tamaranean maiden on a strange world would do. She attempted to steal his breath away.

Seconds after her lips contacted his, words, pronunciations; even phonetics came into her mind, setting shop in the unused portions of her brain. Deepening the kiss brought an understanding of this world's alphabet along with a pleasant taste. Soon she gleaned all she could from the act but continued for the pleasure of it. But alas it wasn't meant to be, as the man struggled against her, his skin turning an odd shade of blue. He was of a race that needed air to breathe, so sadly she slackened her grip, allowing Naruto a chance to catch his breath.

His reaction was instantaneous. "Glorious air!"

"_What are you doing?"_ Jinx hissed out, eyes boring through her.

"_Learning the language of the land."_

"_Through kissing him? How the hell is that supposed to work."_

"_My race is capable of absorbing information through skin contact. It's just faster if we do it through kissing." _

The small girl just pouted, blinking away tears that formed moments. _"Now that just isn't fair…" _

"_The fact I don't need to study or…"_ Blackfire leaned forward and grinned impishly. _"…that I kissed Mr. Hero before you? Starting to feel a little sweet on our blonde haired friend, eh Jinx?"_

Jinx began to sputter denials, comments about the alien's promiscuity, and how the blonde was just an idiotic ass. Causing Blackfire to grin even more with every denial the pinkette was spewing. Eventually the girl came to her senses and how much of a fool she was appearing to the others in the room, most specifically the only holder of a y chromosome present. Deciding to tackle the giggling alien, beginning an impromptu tussle; oblivious to the chuckling blonde to the side or the knocking at the door.

* * *

Naruto couldn't help but chuckle as he watched the scuffle in front of him. It wasn't anything to serious if the dark haired girl's laughter was anything to go by and being witness to quite a few fights between girls in his time. Most of those being the odd scraps due to differing opinions to full blown cat fights due to a man; he doubted the tickle fest in front of him was going to escalate any further. Not that he would've mind, he was still a red blooded male after all.

Naruto was about to pull girls apart to get some answers when he heard someone knocking at his door. Throwing a glance to the girls that were on the floor, both giggling now, clueless as to why they would be giggling, most likely one of those girl things his gender would never know for millennia to come, and went to answer his door; swearing that he was going to hamstring someone if it was another one of those religious nuts trying to get him to convert again. Luckily it wasn't someone aiming to convert him, rather an Anbu, an extremely female Anbu.

An extremely athletic body stood before him, wrapped completely in tightly woven fishnet. The usual long legged pants favored by the elite operatives forgone for a pair of shorts that were borderline criminal. The normal sleeveless top was still present, but stretched tightly across an impressive bust. Both arms were covered with the typical guards before ending in fingerless gloves. Shin guards covered the lower legs ending slightly above the sandals the operative wore. The standard issues blade was present, hanging from the figure's back at an angle behind the left shoulder. Positioned so a draw could've been used as an attack.

As the figure reached up to remove her mask, the image of a weasel emblazoned on the white ceramic, allowing Naruto to see black hair pulled into a rough ponytail before a black eyes bored into his blue. The one, the only Itachi Uchiha stood before him, mischievous smile rivaling one of his own as she stared at him.

"Good evening Naruto-kun."

"Tachi-chan."

The women grinned widely at the pet name.

"I believe you have an idea as to why I'm here, correct?"

Naruto paused, scrunching his face as he thought of why the Anbu's golden child was here, causing said women to blush slightly before covering it up.

"Did Shizune send you here?"

"Good memory, Naruto-kun." She palmed his face, drawing an involuntary shudder from the boy. "Are those the two girls she mentioned?"

Naruto followed her line of sight, finding her looking at the two girls that were lying on his living room floor, both giggling lightly. Causing the Uchiha to arch a brow before turning back to Naruto.

"They seem to be out of breath. You didn't do anything too… illicit with them did you, Naruto-kun?"

Realizing just what the woman was insinuating, he gestured wildly, sputtering denials.

"They just finished having a scuffle, why I have the faintest clue, and now both are on the floor and giggling. I've done nothing! I swear it on Ero-sennin."

"You know Naruto-kun, considering your relationship with Master Jiraiya, that doesn't instill me with the greatest confidence." Itachi deadpanned.

"Oh come on, I've been home maybe ten minutes, there wouldn't be enough time for **that**, and even if it was, it would've lasted a hell of a longer than ten minutes!"

Eyes widened all around at the claim, even the two giggling girls ceased their actions at that. Making Naruto realize what he just yelled out to the world, the blush was instantaneous.

"Well, those two look pretty harmless." Itachi nodded to the girls, an action they reciprocated. "Still we have no idea about their origins or home village, so there is still the possibility of them being a threat. They will be watched for several days, possibly weeks. You have been tasked with supervising them as well as getting them acquainted with the village proper. An Anbu will be watching from the shadows as well. Shizune-sama has given you several weeks paid leave so you won't be short of funds."

Nodding as he listened to Itachi he asked the obvious question. "Okay, so I'm safe to assume Shizune-chan survived Tsunade. Just how did she manage that?"

"Never underestimate a medical ninja, especially one gifted in the field of poisons and tranquilizers."

"Ah."

"Now that my duty is complete, I must return to headquarters before heading home for dinner."

"Thanks Tachi-chan. Tell Mikoto-chan I said hi."

"Will do Naruto-kun, you should stop in sometime. Mother loves it when you come to visit."

With her piece said, Itachi planted a chaste kiss on Naruto before turning around and walking down the hallway, hips swaying with each step. Leaving Naruto standing there speechless with his two 'guests'. Seeing Itachi disappear down the stairs, he turned to face his guests. Finding one blushing while the other sensually smirked.

Blackfire's grin turned predatory. "So you're not a minute man, good to know."

* * *

"Friend Raven?"

"That's the cure for jock itch. Keep looking."

* * *

After much blushing, Naruto finally settled down, letting the girls take his couch while he took a seat on the floor between the two, before he began asking questions.

"First off, I never caught either of your names. I'm Naruto Uzamaki."

Jinx was the first to answer. "I'm Jill Manx, but everyone calls me Jinx due to my powers."

"Powers?"

"I'm able to control bad luck, basically I 'Jinx' things."

"And this 'Jinx' thing, what does it do exactly?"

Jinx pointed at one of the chairs that surrounded, willing for one of its legs to snap, but nothing happened. She tried charging her fist with bad luck, enough to power a small blast but nothing happened, not even a fizzle.

"I don't see anything happening, you okay?"

Jinx was anything but, her powers always worked, even when she didn't want them to. The fact nothing was happening even as she consciously tried unsettled. That never happened since she manifested her powers as a girl.

"My powers… they don't work…"

"Maybe you're tired; you two did have quite a long day. Maybe after a good night's sleep they'll be usable." Naruto gestured to Blackfire. "What's your name?"

"Komand'r in my native language, but translated into your language, it would be Blackfire."

"And do you have 'powers' as well?"

"Well I'm a lot stronger than the average person." She stepped up, lifted the couch over her head before sitting it down and retaking her place, curious as to why Naruto didn't so much as blink. "Why don't you seem so surprised?"

"That crazy blonde woman earlier can crush boulders with a finger."

"Well poo, I can shoot beams of energy." Cue another non blink from Naruto. "Why doesn't this surprise you?"

"I can spit fire from my mouth, teleport near instantly, and a variety of other things."

Blackfire pouted as this, she was used to people at least showing a reaction when she used her powers.

"Well I can fly!" 'Let's see him beat that.'

"Prove it."

And she did, gliding up from the couch and around Naruto few times before he stood up and grabbed her, patting her down as he did. Unconscious of where exactly his hands were wandering.

"What do you think you're doing?" Blackfire sputtered out as a hand wandered over her breasts.

"Well I'll be damned, you really can fly." He squinted at the girl he was holding. "Or really good with genjutsu." Before he placed her back on the couch.

Embarrassment ending, Blackfire looked at him with a questioning stare.

"What?"

"You know you are taking this reasonably well. I mean don't you think it's a bit weird that I can fly."

"I'm a ninja babe, I deal with the weird. The flying? That's new, the strength and energy bolts? I can do the same thing." He proved his point with a bit a chakra and lifting the couch with the two girls one handed, eliciting a squeak from the both of them.

"So explain to me where you two came from. It's obvious that neither of you are from the around here. I've been around the Elemental countries and some of the smaller outer ones and not once have I heard the language you two speak. Jinx said something about someplace called Earth. Where is that?"

Understanding what he was asking, and seeing Jinx was still a bit shocked at the absence of her powers, she answered to the best of her knowledge.

"Earth is more of a planet than a place, residing in the star system of Sol, in the Milky Way galaxy. Jinx is from there while I come from a planet called Tamaran."

"Wait, are you saying that Jinx comes from one world, while you." He pointed at Blackfire. "Come from a whole nother planet entirely. How the hell is that possible?" Naruto couldn't honestly understand that there were other worlds out there with their own races.

"I mean it's obvious with me, while I look like a female human, there are some differences, my odd skin color is one of them."

"It's not odd, a bit different maybe, but I've seen weirder. Nothing wrong with being orange since it's my favorite color."

Bless Naruto and the way his mind works, the alien girl turned light pink as she blushed from his comment.

"So how did you two get brought here? I found you two during a mission, in the middle of nowhere. Closest town twenty miles away. You two seemed to appear out of thin air."

Blackfire tried to remember what happened before she woke up. Remembering something about a fight, a girl in a blue cowl chanting something before a flash of light and the world going black.

"We were in a fight, I remember a girl, Raven if I remember her name right, was chanting something. I remember that she needed to chant to be able to use her powers. Then something happened, something went wrong. Jinx and I got wrapped in something before a sudden explosion of light…"

Naruto had a rough idea of what happened. Jiraiya had tried to teach him seals during their travels. He picked up a few of the simple ones with the promise of more as his understanding of seals grew. But one thing was kept during his teachings, sealing was very dangerous. Jiraiya explained to him that if someone attempted a seal they didn't understand it was very possible for it to backfire on them. The results usually consisted of missing appendages and vaporization, as with improperly made explosive tags, to even ceasing existence due to the fact sealing made it possible to warp the boundaries of dimensions and space. So a technique going wrong could've been possible, absurdities aside.

"Next thing I knew I was waking up with a woman glaring at Jinx with murder in her eyes. Scariest thing I've seen in my life."

"Tsunade has that effect on people."

"She seemed to be out to get Jinx more than me. Was it because she was sitting on your shoulders?" Blackfire asked.

"Tsunade is oddly protective of me at times."

"Why?"

"Long and embarrassing story." Naruto muttered as he glanced at the clock on the wall, finally realizing just how late it was. "You two should get some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow."

"Where can we sleep, this couch while quite comfy, can't possibly fit the two of us."

"You two can take my bed, it's only a full, but should be plenty of room for the two of you, also there's clothes in the dresser you two can change into since what you're wearing is dirty."

Blackfire nodded before asking a question of her own. "And where will you sleep?" Before realizing her stupidity as he gestured to the couch she was sitting on.

Naruto gestured down the hall. "Bedroom is the far door on the right and the bathroom is the door on the left. Make yourselves at home and feel free to take anything from the fridge or the cupboards, might not be much though since I've been out of the village most of the time."

Blackfire nodded before pulling Jinx and herself up, leading the silent girl towards the bedroom that Naruto mentioned, before turning back and grinning impishly at Naruto.

"You sure you want to sleep on the couch? It might be a tight fit with the three of us in one bed, but it would be quite cozy."

Naruto sensed her playful mood, even if Jinx seemed about ready to strangle the orange girl.

"Tempting offer that may be, I'm afraid I must decline, wouldn't be proper, as well as Jinx there looks to be about ready to kill you."

True to fact, Jinx was prepared for murder, even if she was blushing wildly.

Blackfire just heaved a sigh, before glaring at the smaller girl. "Why do you have to be such a spoilsport?"

* * *

"Friend Raven!"

"Star, that's a spell to cure E.D."

The Tamaranean blinked. "E.D.? What is that?"

"It when a man cannot get an erect… Wait a minute, why am I explaining this to you? Where did you even find that?"

* * *

Blackfire couldn't help but giggle when she saw the clothes Naruto said they could wear. Orange shirts filled the top drawer, tones varying from the basic orange to tangerine.

'I guess he wasn't joking when he said orange was his favorite color.'

The next drawer held boxers, all the more sensible color of black, grabbing two shirts and two pairs shorts, tossing a set of each to Jinx, bringing her back to reality, before removing her top.

"What the heck was that about Blackfire?" Turning to the girl before turning away again, catching the Tamaranean in the process of shucking her mini-skirt and panties. "What are you doing?"

"It been two days since I changed my clothes, I don't know about you, but I'm not keeping on any panties that I've worn for two days without them being washed." Blackfire said as she pulled Naruto's shorts up, finding them a little loose. "What's your problem anyway?"

"Aside from the fact we may be stuck here forever. Doesn't the fact we're on another world possibly another dimension bother you, or are you too infatuated with the blonde idiot to care?"

"First off I'm an alien; I came from another planet to earth, stopping at other worlds along way so ending up on another isn't a big deal. Second thing, Naruto is a hell of a lot better than what I've come across in my travels so I don't wouldn't mind being stuck here, or has being around the likes of Mammoth and Gizmo warped your taste in men?"

"I'll have you know my taste in men hasn't changed, the idiot may be cute, insanely strong, and have great hair, doesn't excuse the fact I'm currently stuck in a strange world."

"Hah!" Blackfire jammed her finger under Jinx's nose. "You find him hot as well. Probably the reason you kept grinding into him back at that office."

Jinx's face glowed at the accusation.

"You probably wouldn't have minded if it was just you and him here, sharing the bed."

All concepts of speech was lost now.

"So don't get on my back if I flirt with the first really decent guy I find in a long time."

"He's practically a stranger, didn't you hear him? He's a ninja, an assassin."

"So?" Blackfire asked as she took a seat on Naruto's bed, combing her hair with her fingers. "Everyone starts as strangers in the beginning, and so what if he's a ninja?"

"He kills people for a living?"

"He didn't say anything about killing anyone, and I'll be the first to admit I'm far from perfect, I mean look at us. We're villains, we steal and destroy building, we ruins people's livelihoods."

"We've never killed anyone though…"

"We've ruined people's lives, Jinx. We may not have killed anyone, but we ended some people's careers. We did a lot of that crap for fun, Naruto just does it as his duty."

"Still doesn't make it right." Jinx mumbled as she began to undress.

"Jinx nobody's perfect, quit worrying about it or you're going to get wrinkles. If it bothers you so much, talk to him about it. I'm sure he'll answer your questions."

"If you say so…" Jinx mumbled out as she decided if she wanted to wear her panties under the shorts Blackfire gave to her. They were starting to feel gross…

"Jesus, just take them off, you can wash them tomorrow."

Taking her friends advice, Jinx slipped her panties off before pulling the shorts up, finding them to be quite loose. Before shutting off the table lamp and slipping under the covers.

"You know something?" Blackfire asked in the darkness.

"What?"

"These sheets smell like him, it's quite pleasant really."

"Blackfire, you're incorrigible."

* * *

The next morning…

The apartment was silent aside from the creaking of springs and the soft snores emanating from the blonde of the couch. Causing the only person awake in the apartment to raise an uncovered brow. Kakashi Hatake wasn't one to state the obvious, but there was something out of the place with this situation. Finding Naruto asleep on his couch, drooling on a pink throw pillow. 'How Sakura managed to talk Naruto into buying those will forever remain a mystery to me'. Naruto usually crashed on the couch after a long mission, too tired to bother making the short trip to his bedroom, usually not bothering to get undressed as well. The Chunin vest lying next to said couch validated this point. So that wasn't too out of whack. The fact Kakashi could hear someone shifting on the bed in Naruto's room was a whole another thing.

Naruto usually didn't have guests over, before or after his trip with Jiraiya, considering he tried his damndest to get out of the village since returning. Oh how he couldn't understand Tsunade's love for him, or how willing she was to show it with the assistance of silk and lace. Biting back a perverted giggle at the thought, he went about his original business. Placing some much needed food in Naruto's fridge, making sure to put the butcher paper wrapped parcel in the bottom before sitting a couple loafs of bread on top of the fridge. His duty done, Kakashi moved towards Naruto's bedroom, set on uncovering of the mystery of laid within.

The urge to giggle came immediately as soon as he opened the door. Never in his wildest dream could imagine finding a girl in Naruto's bed, much less two. He cursed his students chivalry, here was a situation that was begging to be taken advantage of, but Naruto decided to let them take the bed while he slept on the couch. He was going to have a talk with that boy someday. Shutting the door when the pink haired girl shifted in her sleep. Creeping silently down the hallway, he made his way towards the front door, making sure to relock the door before slipping out.

Once outside, Kakashi let the giggles flow. His favorite student had two girls in his bed! The fact said student was unconscious on the couch never occurred to him, one a foreign beauty If her odd skin tone was to be taken into account, the other one seemed to be a distant relative of Sakura. He couldn't keep this revelation to himself; he needed to spread the news! Starting with his other two wayward students.

* * *

"Raven?"

"For the love of god Star, that isn't it. That's the booklet that comes with a cd."

* * *

The aroma of melted butter and bacon grease tickled his nose, replacing the urge to sleep with hunger. His stomach growled as it tried to crawl up his throat, forcing Naruto to finally pay it heed.

"Bout time you lazy ass woke up." A voice called from his kitchenette.

'Who the hell is that?'

Opening his eyes, he found a small girl humming as she worked at his stove.

'Oh, Jinx… making me breakfast... why?'

Ignoring the question to why exactly Jinx was making him breakfast, he pulled himself upright and stretched, several pops echoing through the apartment as bones moved back into their proper places. Stifling a yawn, Naruto dragged himself to his feet, padding over to where Jinx was before looking over her shoulder, unaware of how the girl stiffened at the slight contact of his cheek with hers.

He looked at the pan full eggs. "I had eggs?" Before looking into pan that sat behind the first. "And bacon?"

Jinx tried to keep her breathing under control, was he completely oblivious to just how intimate he was acting?

"They were in your fridge, first time I've ever seen bacon wrapped in butchers paper."

"I don't remember buying bacon or eggs for that matter." Naruto mumbled as he stepped away from the slightly flushed girl, making his way over to his fridge, looking to find out what other food stuffs magically appeared in his apartment while he slept.

"What are you doing?"

"I bought groceries two weeks ago, specifically buying things that would keep since I tend to be out of the village often. Eggs keep pretty well, but bacon doesn't unless it was smoked. That…" He pointed at the pan with said bacon in it. "…isn't smoked. Someone was here while we slept."

Jinx paused her stirring. "You don't think someone poisoned this stuff do you?"

"Nah…" He pulled a carton of milk from the fridge, showing her it was still sealed, before flipping it around showing her a note with a badly done doodle on it. "Seems Kakashi-sensei made a delivery."

"And he is?"

"One of my teachers, has it in his head that I should eat more than pre packaged food."

"Sound advice if those packages of ramen filling the cupboards is any indication of your dietary habits."

Naruto pouted at the small girls jab. "Don't knock the ramen… Anyway how long till the food is done?"

"It'll be done soon, but you're not getting any till you get cleaned up." She wrinkled her nose and giggled. "You stink."

"When you carry a girl for over fifty miles during midsummer and come out smelling like a rose, you can tell me your secret."

"Still doesn't change the fact you smell like old gym shorts."

"Yeah yeah, I heard ya, no shower no food."

Jinx patted his back before turning back to the food. Leaving the blonde to pad towards his bedroom for a change of clothes, pausing briefly at the lump of bedding that Blackfire wrapped herself in. Chuckling as a snore managed to escape the lump as he pulled out a change of clothes from his dresser. Clothes in hand he stepped into his bathroom, stripped, and jumped into his shower. Cursing as the water started in cold for a few seconds before hot water flowed out of the shower head. Finally with the soothing hot water cascading off his back, he began the process of lathering up. Oblivious to bathroom door opening or someone putting the toilet seat down.

* * *

Blackfire couldn't help but groan when she heard the bedroom door shut. She couldn't go back to sleep, the blaring sunlight bouncing off the walls along the pressure in her abdomen put a stop to that line of thought. Grunting, she pulled her body out its cloth based cocoon and stretched, yawning all the while. Finding herself more awake, she worked on taking care of another urge, opening the door only to be greeted with the smell of frying bacon. Now she was hungry and had to pee.

A pink head popped around the corner of the hallway. "Morning Blackfire."

Blackfire responded with a grunt, opening the first door she came across in her search for the bathroom, finding herself starting at a bunch of boxes. She had found Naruto's closet. Shutting the door she stepped towards the other one that sat in the hall. Grabbing the handle, she twisted…

"You should wait a few minutes, Black. Naruto's in the…" The door opened and shut. "…shower."

Sighing with relief when the toilet bowl stood in front of her, she walked over the clothes that laid on the floor, ignored the humming shadow behind the curtains, and pulled down her shorts. With her business done, she wiped and flushed the toilet.

Now completely awake, she looked into the mirror that hung behind the sink, finding herself with a serious case of bed head, before a yelp emanated from behind the shower curtain. Suddenly she found herself staring at the reflection of a nude and wet Naruto. Both stared in silence, before Blackfire looked down and flushed and averted her eyes. Naruto realized he was standing there completely naked, in the presence of a female, yelped as he shut curtain as Blackfire ran from the bathroom.

Now awake, flushed, and beyond embarrassed, Blackfire found herself standing in the kitchen/living area. Jinx buttering toast before looking up at her.

"What's with you?"

"Naruto… naked… wet…"

Jinx just sighed as she picked up another piece of toast. "You should've listened to me."

* * *

On the outskirts of Konoha…

"Friend Raven…"

"Star, if you give me another ridiculous incantation, excerpt from the Kama Sutra, or a video game instruction manual from Cyborg's games, I'm going to hurt someone."

"No, Raven, it's nothing like that."

"What is it then?"

"I don't think we're in the tower anymore."

That comment made Raven look up from her book, finding the both of them surrounded by tall trees. Their leaves thick enough to block out the sun. Looking between the trees and her naïve friend. Raven had to ask the obvious question.

"Star… what did you just do?"

* * *

A/N: Just something I whipped up to get back into the habit of writing again. Hell of a lot longer than I had originally planned, but what can I say? I got back into the groove. Decided to give some underused characters some love. Anyway, enjoy and don't forget to review.


	2. Look what the Cyclops dragged in

Disclaimer/Legend: See first chapter

* * *

Hell in a Hand Basket

Chapter 2: Does anyone else smell lemons? Part 1.

* * *

The sun was shining brightly over the village of Konoha, making this into one fine day for its villagers. Housewives were chatting as they wandered from merchant stall to merchant stall in search for the freshest produce. Children were playing the typical games of youth, either tag or hide and seek, sometimes a mixture of both; but always within seeing distance of their mothers so they wouldn't get lost. Even the merchants seemed in high spirits, singing little jaunts as they unloaded their carts, others giving wide smiles to their customers as they packed their purchases for them. All in all it was a perfect day; nothing could've ruined it for these people…

"Hehehehehhehehehhehehehehehehehhehehehehehe…"

Correct that, there were things that could still ruin this day for many… Like the prematurely grayed man that weaved through the crowd, nodding to merchants and customers alike; giggling like a schoolgirl after her first kiss all the while, was seriously beginning to creep everyone out.

Mothers ripped up their children before they crossed the man's path, worrying whatever illness the man obviously had was possibly contagious. The merchants fared little better, abandoning their stands and goods as the man wandered close before pirouetting away, singing a ditty as passed, before breaking out in an off key rendition of Ava Maria to the orange in his palm. That day, the market goers did something that was unheard of since the founding of the village, they actually managed to shudder as one.

* * *

Earlier that day…

Kakashi was giddy as a schoolgirl as he walked down the crowded streets of Konoha. His favorite student was shacking up with couple of cute girls, taking his first steps towards becoming a complete man while managing to skip a few steps, something that only the most suave of men had been capable of; proof that being under Kakashi's was truly good for Naruto's betterment. Kakashi himself was an avid believer of skipping to the good things in life; why wine and dine when you can just get sweaty after all? And to think of it, his cute little student managed to get two girls into his bed. He needed to spread the news, the people must know! But who would he tell first?

He planned to alert the blonde's teammates, but neither of them were nowhere to be found, meaning they weren't within Kakashi's visual distance, so they were out for the moment.

'Maybe Tsunade or Shizune? Wait, Tsunade wanted to milk Naruto dry, and Shizune would be with her, acting as her handler.'

Kakashi really didn't want to be witness to what Tsunade would do if she found out if any girl but herself was in Naruto's bed. He was very much attached to his head thank you very much after all. That left only one person. Whistling a tune, Kakashi picked up the pace and headed to the hospital.

* * *

"Friend Raven, look at how tall these trees are." Starfire as she looked up, trying to see where the trees ended and the sky began, before catching a squirrel and cuddling it, much to its despair.

However Raven didn't care about the trees or the small rodent that was squeaking for her help. She was in an unknown forest possibly another world or dimension, without out a clue to how this happened, she hadn't the faintest idea what could've happened; just the innate knowledge that it was somehow Starfire's fault. Turning to glare at cause of this latest predicament, she found herself staring at something that shouldn't have been physically possible. The squirrels head was bulging; its eyes growing and shrinking, honestly straining against its eyelids with every hug the alien girl gave it.

"Um, Star… I don't think it likes that."

Bulge, bulge, bulge…

"What do you mean friend Raven?"

Bulge, bulge, bulge…

"Its head looks about ready to pop."

That got the attention of the alien. Looking down she found the squirrel had taken on the appearance similar to one of Beastboy's squeakers, mid squeeze.

"I think you should let it go…"

"But it's so cute and cuddly…"

Raven was about to tell the alien to release the poor animal when she was struck with a something she had to ask, "You know, I've been wondering about something Star, if you like cuddly things, why didn't you cuddle Beastboy when he changed forms?"

"He stares at my bottom." The girl replied quite plainly, as if telling a universal truth.

"What?"

"He stares at my bottom when he thinks I won't notice. He does the same with your chest as well friend Raven. Why would I want to cuddle an obvious pervert?" Starfire asked as she stated the obvious, while petting the rodent, seemingly oblivious to Raven's jaw dropping.

Raven took several moments to come to her senses, swallowing a bit of bile that rose in the back of her throat. The idea of Beastboy being a pervert wasn't new; all boys around his age were perverted to a point. But Beastboy had something over normal boys; he could literally be a fly on the wall. She would need to explain the consequences of his tendencies when he thought the female members of the team when they returned. But as plans of repercussions for perversities were being born and dismissed just as quickly, Raven found her train of thoughts interrupted at her companion's sudden declaration.

"I shall name you Rocky!" Star squealed off of Raven's side as she petted the small rodent.

Shaking her head at the spectacle, Raven looked around, trying to get the gist of where they were. First and obvious thing is they were in a forest, an extremely old growth one from the sheer size of the trees that surrounded them. Yet none of the trees seemed to a type that she recognized, so she doubted they were still in California or even North America. Looking up, she didn't find any vapor trails from planes. So they were somewhere remote. Checking her communicator, she found the small device wasn't operational, meaning they were possibly stranded without any way of seeking help. This wasn't turning into a good situation so far…

"God help Star if she stranded us in the Chinese wilderness," Raven mumbled to herself as she looked for an obvious landmark. Seeing nothing useful, she decided to ask Starfire if she could fly above the canopy, hopefully finding a sign of civilization.

"We must find a moose, friend Rocky. Then together you two can finally stop those dastardly Russians."

Yeah… Star wasn't going to be of any use for at least five minutes, the girl didn't quite grasp the fact that Rocky and Bullwinkle was in fact a children show and not something the government released. Even the fact that cold war had been over for two decades didn't do anything to dissuade her, they needed to have her checked out sometime. There just was something off about her, even more so than your typical extraterrestrial. Raven tried to ignore the ramblings of the alien and willed herself to levitate. It took about three seconds for her to realize that she hadn't moved an inch vertically. That was new, but not unexpected. She needed to remain calm to use her powers, and she was anything but at the moment, the crazy alien next to her wasn't helping the situation. A quick incantation should solve this.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos…"

Attempt number two, now with mystic incantation complete. Result? Same as the previous. This wasn't a good sign. She couldn't even get her power to manifest. And she couldn't shake the feeling that she was cut off from something.

Starfire stopped mid pet as she took notice of her friend's situation, "Is there something wrong Raven?"

"I can't use my powers…"

"Maybe you're tired…"

"Star, my powers are linked to my emotional state; being tired has nothing to do with it. Even if it did, I should still be able to do something."

"This doesn't bode well does it friend Raven?"

"No it doesn't" Raven was just short of panicking, "Star, can you do me a small favor?"

"Of course. What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to fly above the tree line and look for a town or something." She wouldn't panic till there were no witnesses present.

The orange girl saluted, using the same hand that held the squirrel, smacking her brow with the small animal before taking off. Leaving the Raven to think things through, sadly the moment didn't last too long as Star broke back through and hovered in front of Raven.

"There appears to be a settlement a few miles south-east of us, friend Raven."

Well that was the first bit of good news Raven heard since they were transported. Settlement meant people, people meant possible to find out where the hell Starfire sent them. Once that was figured out, they could begin work on finding a way back home. The plan of action set, Raven made to fly before her happy mood was wiped out. She forgot the fact that her powers were currently unavailable, meaning she would have to walk. Joy…

* * *

Breakfast was a strange affair at Casa de Uzumaki; even for one who was used to constant weirdness; such as Jinx. She handled everything from a rogue android that had a penchant for pinching panties to Mammoth with a severe case of jock itch. So she wasn't out of her territory when it came to dealing with the two teens that sat across from her. Both picking at their breakfast, both blushing slightly as they packed away eggs, both throwing glances at the each other when they thought the other wasn't looking. It was sickening and was honestly beginning to weird the pinkette out, but she kept her silence… for about thirty seconds.

"Okay, what the hell is the deal with you two." She was going to handle this as tactfully as possible, "You two are acting like a pair of embarrassed teens."

Let us ignore the fact that everyone present could be called teens, and two of the three were quite embarrassed. But both decided to glance at the mildly raging pinkette before digging back into breakfast.

"You guys better answer me, or so god help me…" Jinx let the threat hang as she watched the two for a moment, before digging back into her breakfast, "The way Blackfire acts, you'd think she saw his penis…"

Jinx had meant to say this way under her breath, but she didn't exactly know how well the hearing of a Tamaranean or a trained ninja was. But she found out rather quickly when she heard the clatter of utensils and a sharp intake of breath. Less than a millisecond passed before Blackfire stood up fast enough to knock her chair away, while Naruto became suddenly aware that he couldn't quite breathe.

"_What the hell does that mean?"_ The resident extraterrestrial hissed out, completely oblivious to Naruto's plight to her left.

"_What? You really saw his penis? So? It's not like the first one you've ever seen right?" _

Blackfire's blush answered for her, while Naruto was trying to down a glass of juice, only to find it empty.

"_Wait? Are you serious? You never seen a guy's third leg, his lil mini-me, his precious?" _

Finding his own glass empty, Naruto tried the girls' glasses with less luck…

"_Of course not, what the hell do you take me for? Some kind of intergalactic Strumpet?!" Blackfire roared. _

Spots were starting to come into his vision, the girls were arguing about something, yelling in that strange language of theirs, ignoring his distress. It was time to make this matter of life and death into his own hands… quite literally. Bringing his hands into a familiar sign he began to channel chakra…

"_Well there is the way you and your sister dress that is a bit similar to some outfits ladies of a certain profession would wear…"_

"_This is the standard on Tamaran!"_

"… _You speak English as well as a native; add the fact that you acquire language skills through the act of kissing…"_

"_That was just kissing and it was only a couple of guys!"_

"…_sort of proving my point with that last comment there…"_

"_I didn't see their dingles!"_

Jinx was about to comment further when the sound a pop accompanied with a thud echoed through the room. A bit odd since she could still Naruto standing there, looking a tad bewildered.

"Excuse me ladies, but do you two mind putting your argument aside for a moment and help the boss? He seems to be turning such a pretty shade of blue."

"What do you mean 'boss'?" Jinx asked, not realizing that along with various other superhuman abilities, Naruto was capable of duplicating himself.

The clone just pointed to his asphyxiating creator, lying unconscious to his side; an action that finally got the girls' attention. Jinx was the closer of two, and the first to realize that there was indeed a matching pair of Narutos in the room; one standing, the other obviously unconscious. All the first aid training she received in the hive rushed to the forefront of her mind as she rushed to the blonde, only taking a moment to look at Blackfire, she needed to ask a question first.

"Dingles?"

* * *

"I don't know but I've been told…"

Raven was trying to withhold the urge to grab a fallen branch and bludgeon her singing comrade. She was already beyond irritable at this point; the forest was unseasonably warm leading her to sweat buckets. Her leotard and the underwear beneath were riding something fierce, and she didn't care what Nancy Sinatra said, her boots were most definitely not made for walking. And to top it all off the one who led her into this mess was currently singing military marching songs, all the while petting that poor squirrel.

"…That Eskimo p*ssy is mighty cold…"

Suddenly everything came to a standstill in the forest. The birds stopped their singing, the leaves stopped rustling as the wind seemed to disappear in an instant, and even the squirrel that Starfire was holding gave up its struggle to join Raven in staring dumbfounded at the alien.

"…Mmm good…"

"Star!"

Star stopped mid-verse.

"Do you know what you're singing?" Raven asked, dreading the answer.

"A marching song about Eskimo's of course, it is about their cats I believe. Something about them being cold, expected when they live in the arctic."

Raven couldn't believe her comrade's naivety.

"Star they aren't talking about a cat when they say p…" Screw it, she'd let Starfire figure out what they meant, "Where did you even learn that song?"

"From the movie 'Full Metal Jacket', friend Raven."

Well that explained it, Star was watching TV unsupervised. At least it wasn't a repeat of the condom incident…

* * *

Kakashi stood at the foot of the building that was most loved, and yet feared, in Konoha, the sparkling white general hospital. Kakashi was one of those that liked the hospital, he had several lifesaving and life changing experiences here. He really still couldn't understand why the hospital staff had an order of protection against him, and why he wasn't allowed within a hundred meters of the premises, only exempt when his physical being was at risk, an odd thing from Kakashi's understanding. Well it's not like the Anbu were going to arrive to detain him for breaking this one, little law. He had it on good notice that Yamato had a new batch of his homebrew, meaning most (everyone not Itachi) would be shitfaced soon, the only exception would be Itachi, who took up the unofficial duty of stalk… *cough* …observing Naruto. Meaning Kakashi was free to do as he damn well pleased.

And what pleased him the most was alerting his favorite author to their student's blossoming love life. So he made like a ninja, completely ignoring the fact that he was indeed an honest to god ninja to begin with, and slid towards the entrance and entered the building. He was on a mission, failure wasn't an option.

"Excuse me young man, but could you move? You're in my way."

Kakashi cranked his head towards the voice that startled him, finding nothing but the odd sensation of something tapping his foot. As the tapping grew harder, he finally looking down to see what was screwing around with his foot. Only to find himself staring at a piece of jerky, a sentient piece of jerky that was staring back, wore a hospital gown, and carrying a container of some fluid in one hand while rapping its cane on his big toe with the other.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Never seen an old man before? Damn kids, no respect for their elders these days. Back in my day…"

Kakashi ignored the husk of a human as a sense of terror and foreboding came over him. Kakashi was no stranger to terror, he served in the third ninja war, was present on the front lines when the Kyuubi approached the village some sixteen years prior. He'd even been left in a room with Tsunade and Naruto, his body the only thing keeping the Hokage from banging Naruto's brains out. None of those experiences held a candle to what he was feeling at this moment.

"Hatake… you know you're not allowed in here unless it's a life and death situation and you don't seem to be bleeding out your ears. So why are you here?"

Kakashi couldn't fault his body for shuddering as soon as it heard that voice. Every ninja who had a fair share of missions would recognize that raspy timbre tone; Kakashi more so than others, since he had his first encounter with it at the young age of six. It was a moment that changed his life in more ways than one. The first was the utter joy opiates could bring to a person followed by the unwillful gain of meeting true fear, and by god did he fear this voice.

"Well don't just stand there bothering Mr. Maki, Hatake. I'm waiting for an answer, and you know that I'm not too fond of waiting."

Steeling his will, Kakashi turned and faced his inquisitor head on, trying not to let the small form of an middle aged woman in a nurses uniform see his fear, creatures like her fed on it or so he believed. Now to the uneducated observer, the woman that held Kakashi's full attention was as normal as one can get. Small frame, graying hair pulled back into a taught bun, wrinkles just forming along her brow and the edge of her eyes, all in all the typical form of an average nurse. But beneath that unassuming form laid the mind of a professional. Years of service under the hospital banner, dealing with the likes of Hatake, Mitarashi, Gai, even Uzumaki, had given her an iron temperament. She ran the hospital with an iron fist, whipped green nurses into shape in record time, and even managed to deal with Tsunade concerning young Uzumaki whenever he was left in her care. Dealing with the trespassing Hatake would be a small task. So steeling her face, she glared at Kakashi as she waited for his excuse to why he was currently trespassing on the premises.

"Well Ms. Miyawa, you see…" Kakashi was straining to try and come up for a reasonable excuse to why he was here, the truth was out. If Miyawa found out that he came to tell Jiraiya of the latest happenings in their student's life, she would have his hide. The middle aged woman had a soft spot for the blond teen and held pure hatred for Jiraiya, so any mention of his true mission was out. He needed to find a diversion…

"Look, Tsunade is dragging Naruto off to the supply closet!" He accented his shout with a wild pointing gesture. Miyawa didn't as much as blink as she stared right into Kakashi's eye.

"That isn't going to work, Hatake. Everyone in the hospital knows Tsunade is doped up to her gills on high grade tranquilizers and Uzumaki is out of the village at the moment on a mission."

"About that… what would you say if I told you he was currently back in the village?"

Miyawa's posture shifted, almost imperceptive to the eye, "Considering he isn't under my care, I would say that his mission went swimmingly."

"You could say that…hehehehe."

Kakashi felt his eyes bulge out as realization came, damn his autonomic responses! He shuddered as Miyawa's eyes narrowed as she pulled a small object from her uniform.

"Seeing you giggle tells me something is not quite right with this situation, Hatake. Since young Uzumaki is currently not on the premises, I can't help but assume you're looking for Master Jiraiya…" Her face scrunched up when she said 'Jiraiya' as if tasting a bad medicine; the object in her hand extended with a click, revealing it to be a baton. Not the cute cheerleader type, no, this was the type employed by people wanting to disable others in one of the most painful ways possible.

Kakashi was immediately sweating buckets, the navy blue mask nearly black with accrued moisture. He needed to get away, and he needed to get away NOW! Why the hell didn't he remember to bring some flash tags, no Jounin left their homes without an ample supply in case of emergencies, and if this wasn't an emergency, he didn't know what was.

"You just going to stand there gawking all day sonny?"

Old man Maki just stood there, glaring up at Kakashi, completely unaware what that gleam in the Jounin's eye meant for him. Poor, poor Mr. Maki…

* * *

Naruto returned to consciousness with a start, bowling Jinx over as he sat up. Blinking away the darkness that had started to edge into his vision during the imminent cell death of his brain; he realized that the girls were already arguing about something but higher bodily functions required his attention, autonomic functions always went haywire when faced with some brain death and Naruto felt he could do without a bout of narcolepsy whenever he sneezed. His clone on the other hand wasn't bound by such duties…

"_Oh, you give me crap when I kiss him to learn the language, but you can suck his face?"_

The clone raised a brow at that as he nibbled a stray piece of bacon, even without an understanding of what Blackfire was saying, he could understand that the girl seemed a tad… irked. This was going to get interesting.

"_I wasn't sucking his face you idiot! I was performing artificial respiration, you know CPR!" _

'Wonder what sipiara is?' The clone thought to itself as it worked on polishing off the remnants of breakfast.

"_Hah! Then why were you blushing huh, you make it sound so, so medical. I've seen E.R.; I don't remember any of the people on that show blushing. Just admit it; you wanted a reason to suck face with Naruto. Couldn't stand the thought of me having something over you could you?"_

At the absence of a response from Jinx, both clone and creator ceased their activities to look up at the bickering girls. Neither seemed a bit surprised at the fierce blush that colored Jinx's cheeks or knot of veins situated on the forehead that all species with a female gender seemed to have at moments of anger.

"You think we should stop them boss?" The clone asked its creator as it chewed a piece of bacon, perfectly cooked it noted, not too crispy but not underdone; not the least bit surprised when Naruto answered with a look, implying if he was nuts. Curiosity sated, it returned to breakfast...

* * *

Raven heaved a sigh of relief as the trees that had been her constant companions (Starfire had since lost companion status since she continued to sing those ridiculous marching songs) opened up into a clearing before the largest wooden palisade she had ever seen. Even the ever chipper alien behind her shut up as they took in the sight. Things were starting to look up for once for the duo. It wouldn't be till later that Raven realized that the only gate was located the opposite direction they were currently heading.

* * *

Kakashi couldn't help but shed a tear as he gazed up the still form of his personal hero. It was something beyond his mental control, seeing Jiraiya lying in bed surrounded with machines meant to take over for temporarily lost bodily functions, assorted braces in place to limit movement as various fractures mended. Jiraiya was literally a broken shell of his former self.

Kakashi stepped forward gingerly, subconsciously aware of being almost tripped up by a catheter line, as he came closer to his teacher's teacher. Reaching forward, he gripped a hand that was oddly free of injury.

"Master Jiraiya…" Kakashi started, not even sure if the stricken Sannin could hear his words but kept on nonetheless, "I come bearing great new of our student. He has finally, and I'm going to hate myself for quoting Gai, come into the springtime of his youth. Even as I stand here in your presence, his bed holds two gorgeous girls."

Suddenly beeps filled the room as heart and brain wave monitors came to life. Eyes that were stilled behind a haze of painkillers started to twitch under eyelids. Limbs that were motionless for over week started to shift (don't count the impromptu trip through the wall and several flights down, the man has been in and out of a medically induced coma and he sure as hell didn't have a say in that manner). Soon black eyes were open to the land of the waking after blinking several times to clear the blurriness, finding the hazy object in front of them morphing into the grinning form of Kakashi. Cracked lips moved to form words but were halted when the silver haired Jounin raised his hand.

"Don't try to speak Jiraiya-sama, you currently have a tube jammed in your throat, not sure if it's breathing or feeding tube, but whatever it is, Tsunade-sama must've done a number on you." Kakashi ignored the glare as he pressed on, "But fear not all is not lost for I come bearing good news."

Jiraiya managed to quirk a brow at this, he may have been doped up but he could see that his student's student was strangely giddy over something, and for Kakashi to be practically vibrating meant it had to be something really juicy. Juicy was good, juicy was great, juicy sold books…

"For years we have waited, biding our time as we sat patiently…"

Oh… this was good, this was something involving Naruto. Truly he worried for the boy, worried about his maturation into a young man, it just wasn't normal for a boy his age not to be girl crazy, even more so considering the options he had available to him, abnormal as some of them were…

"…but all our worries had finely been laid to rest…"

Jiraiya couldn't help but perk up at that, he had the typical worries about his student same as any teacher really. There was the usual worry of Naruto one day snapping and using the skills he personally drilled into his head. But there was something that even ranked above that for Jiraiya, something that made him shudder… that Naruto wouldn't follow his footsteps, same as the boy's father had done years prior. Now there was an honest chance of Naruto continuing the true legacy of the Toad Sage.

"This morning I checked on Naruto after hearing that he returned much earlier from his mission than he was supposed to, but imagine my surprise when I found him passed out on his couch. Now I know how that in itself is not unusual, it's the sounds that emanated from his bedroom that caught my attention."

Now this caused Jiraiya to perk up considerably, any sentence that had the word 'bedroom' in it was bound to have some juicy information attached.

"Silently I crept past my sleeping student, completely ninja-like…" Kakashi ignored Jiraiya rolling his eyes at his self-observation and continued, "…and continued down the hallway that led to his bedroom, stopping only outside the door as I prepared for a possible Omega class Tsunade situation (1). When I didn't find myself embedded into the wall, I cracked open the door where I found not one but two girls sleeping in Naruto's bed."

Jiraiya felt his eyes widening at the declaration while cursing the respirator tube that clogged his throat, preventing him from asking this much needed questions. Who were the girls? Could they have been possibly been the Hyuuga sisters, shy Hinata along with her little spitfire of a sister Hanabi, the older obviously egged on by the younger. One had to be an idiot not to notice that both girls had an attraction for the blonde. There were obviously other girls in the village and several even outside of it, those two were the most obvious. He had to give it to the boy; his likeability was one of his pros, saving their asses more times than they could count on their training trip.

"What was most surprising is the fact I didn't recognize either of the girls. One had pink hair, while uncommon, isn't impossible considering Sakura, so there is the possibility the girl may be one of her relatives but that wouldn't explain the other girl. That one had an odd skin tone, slightly orange, like those fake suntans that has become popular lately. Neither of them had any noticeable chakra stores so I can assume both are civilians. I wasn't given any notifications from village security so they're not being classified as a possible security breach lending more credence to the civilian theory. My question is their relationship to Naruto? Could they have been friends he made during the training trip? I can't imagine that you kept tabs on him every moment you were travelling."

Jiraiya mentally agreed, the training trip wasn't so much as focused on training as much as giving the boy some freedom outside the village while keeping him safeguarded against Tsunade's none too gentle advances. He felt the boy needed some time away to better acquaint himself with the wonders outside the village walls. Getting as many experiences under the boys belt was something he felt he owed him, though the strip bar incident was something both swore to take to their graves, Tsunade didn't like to hear anything concerning Naruto sexually that didn't include her and Jiraiya was quite fond of living thank you. But this bit of news was quite interesting, Naruto didn't know it at the time, but he was always shadowed by one of the toad summons and Jiraiya couldn't remember any mention of an orange skinned girl during their travels, so this new girl was interesting. Did the boy find a possible love interest during one of his Chunin missions?

"Only thing that I could think of is that he had met the girls during one of his missions and they finally came to Konoha to visit him, though I can't imagine Tsunade knowing about them."

'Well there's a bit of good news, Tsunade was never fond of competition.'

"Now I'm in a bit of a conundrum as to what I should do now. One side of me wants to keep this between myself and you, the other says I should spread the news seeing as the village has been a bit too quiet as of late and could use a bit of a shaking up. What should I do Master Jiraiya?"

Now there was an idea. The village had been a bit boring and could use a little stirring up, especially after Naruto grew out of his pranking phase, and this would be a wonderful chance to get some info for the next addition to the Icha series, real events always provided the best inspiration after all.

* * *

"Okay I want some damn explanations and I want them now." Jinx barked as she shook a finger between Naruto and his double, "How can there possibly be two of you?"

"It's solid to the touch as well." Blackfire commented as she poked the Naruto that was eating a piece of bacon.

"Yeah, I only know of one person with that ability and he's imprisoned back in our world."

"Well I can explain this rationally…" Naruto started while trying to keep his balance, "You see, he…" He gestured to his clone that seemed completely oblivious to the fact that Blackfire was still poking the back of his head, "…is the result of a ninja technique. He's a clone, a solid manifestation of chakra. Anyone with the knowledge and chakra could create an illusionary one, though the type I use is much more chakra intensive than the normal ones most ninjas use. That's why he's solid."

"So you're telling me something that would be a superpower from our world is relatively normal here?"

"Pretty much."

"This sounds like some kind of asinine story. Blackfire what's your take on this?"

"Sounds like that 'wizard did it' trope that's popular on earth." Blackfire replied prodding even harder, trying to see if there was a weakness to this particular technique.

"Yeah, anything we would find strange and unusual could be explained as being a ninja thing right?"

"Basically," The clone quipped before posing a question of its own, "but what's a trope?"

Jinx was about to answer before a large pop rang out and the room filled with smoke causing the three remaining teens to cough as they waved their hands trying to clear the smoke as quickly as possible. Coughing, Jinx grabbed Naruto pulling him downwards so the two were face to face, she wanted explanations.

"You have less than thirty seconds to explain why the room is filled with smoke. You do some kind of technique or have one of your smoke bombs gone off?"

"How do you know I have smoke bombs…?" Naruto stopped when he caught the look Jinx was giving him, he knew looks like that, they were the looks that told you that you had better start explaining things very quickly or things would become quite difficult for you in the near future. Maybe now wasn't the time to ask some unnecessary questions, "Okay, it looks like Blackfire managed to damage my clone causing it to disperse."

"All she did was poke it, what use are they if they can't handle a simple poke?"

"I get the memories when they disperse, and once again…" Naruto gestured to himself, "Ninja, so they can avoid damage so they tend to last quite a while."

"You know that sounds extremely useful…" Blackfire stated as she waved a hand in front of her face before nearly becoming one with the ceiling as a voice whispered huskily into her ear.

"The possibilities are endless, espionage, house chores, even in the bedroom, they could do it all."

The shriek that Blackfire emitted was more than enough to alert the others that there was a newcomer present in the room with them.

There, standing behind Blackfire, was Itachi. Wearing a getup that would have made Anko jealous, skin tight mesh wrapped her frame while a moss colored sports bra and mini skirt kept the important bits covered in a modicum of decency. She had an arm slung over Blackfire's shoulder as she leaned next to the alien's ear whispering. Exactly what was a mystery to Naruto and Jinx, but from Blackfire's increasingly reddening face it wasn't something as mundane as the best place to find frozen dairy products, leaving Jinx impressed how well the older girl was embarrassing Blackfire.

After several moments that must've seemed an eternity to Blackfire, Itachi released the Tamaranean and sidled up to Naruto, dropping a large satchel on the table as she wrapped her arms around Naruto, forcing him back into his chair and placing the teenager's head into the valley of her chest, grinning impishly at Jinx as the younger girl scowled at Itachi's audacity. Naruto however was oblivious to the happenings above his hairline, instead focusing on the bag that was currently sitting in the remnants of breakfast.

"Itachi-chan, not that I'm not happy to see you…" Naruto made sure to word this as carefully as possible, an angered Kunoichi was not something you wanted when she was in a position that could easily pop your head off like a dandelion, "Why are you here… and what's in the bag?"

"Screw what's in the bag; what's your relationship with Naruto?"

It seemed Blackfire had regained her senses and was now glaring daggers at Itachi, radiating so much ill intent that it was practically tangible to Naruto. But ill intent notwithstanding, Naruto was already feeling dread build in his stomach as a sense of a déjà vu came to him.

"It's quite simple really…"

'Oh lord no…' Naruto was really beginning to hate his life.

"I'm his fiancé."

It was going to be a repeat of his thirteenth birthday all over again.

* * *

Raven was at the end of her rope; Star had gone back to singing marching songs, leaving Raven trying to figure out just where they were as they walked and contemplating if she could in fact get away with bludgeoning Starfire. She was almost positive that no jury would convict her and the other titans would surely forgive her. Star had a way to manage to get under anybody's skin with her eccentricity. Now if she could only find an appropriately sized rock…

But as time passed and large amounts of sweating on Raven's account and utter disbelief at the lack of suitable mineral deposits, Raven saw the palisade was seemed to be coming to an end. Leaving the foreign duo to stare at a wooden gate that must've have taken a small forest to build while the ramshackle shack next to it didn't even seem to have a bit of proper lumber in any of its construction, that housed two men who were staring at the two new arrivals before glancing bottle the one with the bandage on his face was holding.

"_Star…"_

Starfire ceased her singing mid verse, finally realizing that her audience had increased by two members.

"_Star, do whatever I say. These men look like they belong to some sort of military group. Possibly some sort of rebel faction, whatever you do, do not say anything stupid. Better yet don't say anything at all. The less you say the better; we might get through this alive with our virtue intact." _

"_What do you mean by virtue Raven?"_

"_I mean they won't capture us and…"_

"Excuse me, but you could you two explain your reason to coming to our village and what exactly are you wearing."

Both girls turned to stare at the man that managed to sneak up on the two of them.

"_Friend Raven, how did he sneak up on us without of us noticing?"_

"_I don't know Star, he's seems to be wearing some sort of uniform so he's probably some sort of soldier, maybe even special forces. You remembered what I told you right."_

"_Always wipe front to back and make sure to use a toilet seat cover when using a public restroom?"_

"_Wait? What!? Star that wasn't what I said!"_

"_I remember it clearly. It was when we went to that beach in Mexico. It was that place that had all those nice men in suits and cowboy boots and had that guy asking the boys if they wanted to see a donkey show. Don't know what different about donkeys in Mexico. Do they do something different than American donkeys?"_

Raven couldn't bring herself to answer Starfire's question. There wasn't and never will be a time to explain bestiality as entertainment to an alien. To do that would result in the loss of her soul and any sanity that had remained.

"Listen, I think it's obvious that you two aren't from around here since I can't understand word you're saying."

"**Ask them if they're spies. They could be spies, they actually look like spies. I mean they don't even dress like they're from any countries that I know of.**"

Izumo couldn't help but face palm at his friend's stupidity. Gate duty was supposed to be simple, a reprieve from Tsunade watching duty. Now they actually had to do their jobs. He turned the girl in black who seemed to be mirroring his action. Looking at her partner he sensed a bit kinship with this girl. It was obvious that the red haired girl was a bit of an idiot.

"_I think they're speaking Japanese. Star do you know any Japanese? I only know how to ask where the bathroom is and where can I find the U.S. embassy."_

"_I know some; I picked it up when I learned English from Robin."_

"_Is it anything useful? Like 'Where are we?' and 'Can you point me to the nearest police station?'"_

"_It must be; they show up all the time on Robin's computer when I use it."_

"_Well say something…" _

"Oppai, paipan, paizuri, bukkake…"

Izumo just stood there stupefied, there was no way this girl understood one word that she was speaking. Her friend on the other hand was as stupefied as he was.

"Listen girls, I don't think you guys are spies. I mean if you were you are either the most terrible ones I've ever seen or some of the cleverest ones in existence. Listen, if you guys wait a few minutes I'll get a Genin to take you to the Hokage's office. I'm sure someone there speaks your language and can help you."

"You know that wouldn't be too good of an idea."

Izumo must've leapt three meters in the air when he heard that whisper, drawing a brace of kunai as he twisted his body to prepare for his attacker only to find Kakashi waving at him.

"Kakashi, what the hell are doing here… wait are you high?"

Kakashi just smiled and spun behind Starfire, draping his arm across the girl's shoulders.

"You know something? You look awfully familiar. Do you have a sister?"

"Oppai?"

"_Star he said something about a sibling? You think it's possible that he's seen Blackfire?"_

"_But the odds of that are astronomical!"_

"_That is the first time I've ever heard you say anything that smart sounding." _

"Oppai?"

Raven just held her head as Starfire ruined a good thing.

"Heh, I like this girl. Izumo, I think I'm going to take pair of them with me."

Izumo balked, "You can't do this Kakashi. They could be security threats or even assassins."

It was always something like this with Kakashi; orders were more of a suggestion than being an actual order. Well it wasn't going to swing this time.

"Kakashi, you can't do this. You are high, on what I have no damn clue, and you just can't waltz up on here and take command. There are rules and regulations, things that have to be done in the proper order."

Kakashi could only grin as Izumo dug his and Kotetsu's grave.

"You mean like not drinking on the job?"

"You can't be serious. You… are… so… high… right now. This is a pot/kettle situation and you know it. Besides, you have no proof."

Kakashi just threw a thumb at the gatehouse/shack.

"Kotetsu just passed out and whatever you two were drinking is stripping the finish off your table. Information that I should report to Shizune; just think of it. Two ninja on one of the most important duties to a village, you are after all the first line of defense in case of an invasion."

Izumo could not believe just what he heard, "You can't honestly believe that."

"Listen, if you scratch my back I'll scratch yours. I have a hunch that these girls are going to make the village really interesting."

"The hell are you talking about?"

"I believe I found the redhead's sister in my student's bed this morning."

"Sakura had a girl in her bed? I thought she was straight?" Izumo asked before realizing just what Kakashi said, "Wait you sneak into your student's homes? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Kakashi actually sucked in air at the possible implications of his comment. Everyone in the village knew the members of his team. His team had a reputation along with so far being only team that he had actually passed. But there was something even more concerning with his team; they were a first in other things in recent memory.

"Listen, I wasn't talking about Sakura or even Sasuke. I'm talking about Naruto, man. When I went to check on his apartment for him; I found not one but two girls in his bed, and I swear to god one of them was this girl's sister."

That caused Izumo to perk up a bit. Naruto was one of those guys that had a bit of a reputation around the village; none of it was really bad. The older women thought he was sweet. The younger ones thought he cute, even said girls' fathers liked the boy, citing that he was a perfect gentleman, many of whom would love to have him become their son-in-law. There was a downside to this though. There was a small population that believed that the boy was gay. No boy that age ignored having someone like Tsunade literally throwing herself at him. Of course this was usually mumbled grunt or accompanied by a sound that could only be described as a 'squee'.

"Does Tsunade know?"

"From what the rumors I heard from the others, Naruto found two girls on the way back from his mission. What she doesn't know is that Shizune has tasked him with taking care of them much less the fact they are currently staying in his apartment."

"Does that boy have a death wish or something?"

"I don't know, but it's about time. I know you've heard some of the rumors going around. There's one that he just waiting for the right girl or something." Kakashi shrugged, "Me personally, if I had his options I would be plowing the field so to speak."

"You truly are a pervert. Is it true about Hiashi's daughters by the way?"

"I know the oldest has been sweet on Naruto since the academy. The youngest must've started right after Naruto got back with Jiraiya."

Izumo just shook his head, "Heard she's been carrying a torch for him since the exams."

"Seriously? Wouldn't she have been like seven or eight years old at the time?"

"Ten actually, there's only a two year difference between the two of them."

"_Excuse me…"_

This was juicy information for Kakashi. He hadn't realized that Hanabi Hyuuga was that old. She must've gotten the short end when the genes were divided up. The girl was short for age and a bit under developed but she was a bit of a spitfire. Almost to the point of being a female version of Naruto when he was younger, and now he found out the girl was sweet on his student. What was it that made Naruto attract Hyuugas of female kind?

"_Raven, I think the strange men forgot about us."_

Kakashi was going to have to look into this matter, but first he needed to remember exactly why he was here talking to Izumo. He couldn't help but feel he was forgetting something…

* * *

The Hyuuga clan compound has been described as many things, a place that held a higher culture than the rest of the village, a place where nobility walked the paths as they went on upon their noble business; and of late, 'The Pervert Principality'. For decades it was known through the village that all members of the clan possessed a bloodline, the Byakugan. A bloodline that was based in the eyes, allowing the bearers to see almost three hundred and sixty degrees around themselves, could see through objects, even people, and with training it could see even the chakra system of a living creature. It was this latter ability that drew the ire of the female populace, when it was drawn to their attention to see those inner bits of people it had to go through the outer bits and clothing, and with training came the ability to focus on how deep they could see through an object or person, and it sure as hell help the Hyuuga clan when a hapless Chunin of Hyuuga origin joked to his teammate that they hoped they would come up against some female opposition so he could get a show and because of that Neji Hyuuga would never be the same ever again.

Now the clan was reduced to doing practically all their tasks within the compound till things blew over. Almost overnight the compound was converted into a small city. Buildings that sat long unused were converted to handling odd services. Old tea rooms had walls removed to be converted into a laundry. The kitchens had been expanded to host a bakery and butcher. Even the dining room that was only used for special occasions was turned into something

But even though thing were turned upside down for the clan. Things were looking up for half the population of the clan. Since the men were openly scorned in the village, they couldn't handle the shopping like they used to, they were relegated to tasks that were previous handled by the women. Men that had been previously seen around the village handling errands and escorting children were now baking bread and learning how to break down and bone a side of beef.

The women on the other hand had found themselves in a place of power. They were in control of who and what entered and left the compound. They guarded the compound; they were now the main Hyuuga presence in the village, having always been almost unnoticed prior. They had power now… and they liked it. Sure some of men resisted this change at first but they were soon subjugated. Even the esteemed clan leader, Hiashi Hyuuga was now forced to pull his weight, who at this very moment was currently being screamed at by his supervisor in the laundry on how much starch is used concerning underwear.

But the women… they were now experiencing things that were unheard of for them. While shopping wasn't exactly new for them, there was of course certain things no man would purchase if he could help it; there was things the men seemed to forget mentioning when they returned from their shopping trips. New styles of clothing, food that have never been seen or eaten before in the compound, and everyone was so helpful. Men usually seemed suck in their stomachs when they were around or slink away out of sight, the village women came up to them and made small talk, always inviting them to have some coffee if early in the day or drinks later in the night.

During these little meetings, they always started the typical. Questioned about the about the home life, how the kids were doing, is the husband still being a lout, the usual things. But as time passed and mouths were loosened due to liberal applications of gourmet chocolate or velvety cocktails the talks degraded. Bolder civilian women pressed on asking things the Hyuuga women never thought were possible. Did they do reconnaissance when they were young and hadn't settled down; was it true about the Hyuuga men? Young Motoko Hyuuga had learned a lot more about human anatomy on that shopping trip with her Aunt than she had in several years of study. It was also during this time that the female majority of the clan discovered Naruto Uzumaki…

It had been a day when some of the older women of clan went on their first shopping trip for supplies for the clan, only procuring a list of what was needed from the kitchens, not realizing the men had made an arrangement with the merchants to have their purchases delivered directly to the compound, and food for several hundred people could amount to tons instead of several bags. But as luck would have it, it was shopping day for Naruto. Taking less than hour to do his own, wandered around the market, making small talk with a few merchants he knew, even declining a date from one their daughters before coming up upon the Hyuuga's plight.

"Do you ladies need a hand?"

At the sound of his voice, Naruto was surprised to find himself being stared a dozen identical set of eyes. Eyes that was quite familiar to him.

"You guys wouldn't be related Hinata and Neji would you?"

A middle aged woman raised her hand, "I'm their aunt."

"Okay, that would explain the resemblance," Naruto murmured as he examined the huge pile of bags that sat in the middle of the group before giving them a wide smile, "Now from what I see, you ladies bought a bit more than you could handle. Would you like a hand carrying it home?"

Even the eldest among them blushed mildly at the young man's generosity. Many of them had come to expect youths of today to be much less respectable than they were during their time at that age, citing their grandchildren as example. To find one like Naruto in this day and age was a breath of fresh air. Nodding, they were surprised when the young man channeled chakra and made a hand sign, before a burst of smoke along with twenty doppelgangers came into existence. Each taking several bags before waiting to be led their destination. Of course this led to gasps as several of the women activated their bloodline as soon as the smoked cleared and whispered among their peers.

"Those are shadow clones!"

"How can he make so many?"

"Look at his chakra, it's so blue…"

"Forget Chakra; look at his muscles, his pen…"

"Matsuri!"

"What? I was just making an observation."

"You are old enough to be his grandmother."

"So? I have needs too… There's nothing wrong with appreciating a youthful, taut, muscular…"

"You are a married woman!"

All Naruto and company could do was to smile and try to block out the comments coming from certain parts of the gaggle of women. Either they didn't realize that he could hear them clear as day. It was days like today when the teachings of granny Koharu's lessons came to his mind and it was these lessons that brings us to our current day situation for the Hyuuga clan…

The room had used to be the men's lounge, a place of overstuffed chairs, humidors laden with cigars collected from all ends of the elemental nations. It was a place of relaxation, a place where the men could nap or reminisce about their younger days without the troubling presence of the womenfolk. It was also the place of their last stand during the 'revolution'.

Now it was turned into a tea shop, similar to those found among the village. The drab brown wallpaper was quickly replaced with a lavender floral design, crystal tumblers were replaced with tea cups made of the finest china and the hidden stash of adult magazines were found and their owners duly punished. Now it was place of elegance, where classical music rang through the air. Today it was designated the war room. Furniture was moved aside to allow an old fashioned projector to be brought in. The curtains were drawn as female clansmen filled the room. Soon everyone was seated and the signal to dim the lights was given. Soon everyone was sitting quietly waiting for their leader to speak and speak she did.

An elderly member of the clan walked to the front of room and bowed before the group before speaking, "Ladies, I'm glad that you have found the time to make it to our gathering today. Some of you have no idea why we are gathered here today, but ladies let me say this. You will be glad you had taken the time to attend. This meeting is about a person who would be a great boon and ally to our illustrious clan…"

That got everyone's attention; it wasn't often that one of their numbers suggested something to this scale. Politics tended to be the domain of the men.

"Now due to our relative reclusiveness till recent events, this person has been unknown to us with the exception of several members present."

Hanabi couldn't help but blush as the speaker's eyes focused on her and her sister but she also heard several intakes of breath from behind. Apparently she and Hinata wasn't the only ones that had eyes on Konoha's resident stud.

"But they're not at fault for the secrets they held, as I'm sure any of you would if you had found a seemingly perfect man." The speaker paused to let the group quiet down before continuing on, "Now as you now know, this main point of this meeting is mainly to discuss this wonderful young man…"

* * *

"Okay…" Blackfire could usually take bad news, but she had just heard something from this… this… jezebel that really pissed her off, and by god she was not going to accept this, "…you claim that you're engaged to Naruto but I refuse to believe it."

Naruto was quickly realizing that he would have a bad situation on his hand, while Jinx just stood there preparing for the inevitable fireworks.

Itachi just rubbed her chin into Naruto's scalp before looking up at Blackfire, "Well, it's a bit of a story but I'll get to the meat of it. Naruto and I made a promise to each other when we were younger."

"I don't remember making a promise like that…" Naruto regretted saying that immediately as Itachi tightened her grip on his head.

"How could you forget something like that Naruto-kun? You made that promise to me right after you met me."

Synapses fired as long dormant memories came to him; Naruto remembered his first meeting with the Uchiha. He must've been five, being taken to the playground by Granny Koharu to meet up with some of the children that would be joining him in the academy. It was supposed to be a play date. How does a play date end with a promise of marriage?

"Naruto-kun, are you telling me you forgot your promise?" Itachi asked with a slightly yandere expression.

"Maybe?" Naruto questioned before immediately regretting it as the light grip on his head turned into a vice.

Thankfully Blackfire was there to pull him from the Anbu's grip, much to Itachi's ire as the alien now had Naruto's head cradled to her chest and was, but before she could pull a knife the other girl present raised her voice.

"Are you guys talking about a childhood promise? Like if you two made it into Todai University you would get married or something?"

Itachi nodded, "I don't know what Todai is, but it was something like that. Naruto defended my virtue then proclaimed he was going to make me his bride."

Naruto couldn't help but slap his forehead as Jinx turned to him with stars in her eyes, "That's so sweet!"

Naruto pulled himself from Blackfire as he spoke, "I remember that day, I remember smacking Kiba around when he flipped up your skirt, and I remember you dragging me to your mother and telling her I was going to be your _bride_."

"How could you say that Naruto, I even you gave you my first kiss."

"That was the same day, when you dragged me behind the slide and forced me to kiss you." Naruto deadpanned.

"You are also the first non-family male to see me naked, and by family tradition that means…"

Naruto raised his hands, "Hold up. First off that was when we were kids and your mother thought we should share a bath to save water so it doesn't count. Second, your father himself told me that the Uchiha clan never had that as a practice."

"Did he now?"

Uchia District…

Fugaku pulled his cup away from his mouth as a minute crack snaked its way up the side of clay container. He really hoped that wasn't a sign of bad things to come.

Itachi was grasping at straws as she continued, "Well you did sign the marriage contract…"

"You tricked me into signing that, but I was underage at the time making it null and your father never filed it…"

Back to Fugaku…

The cracked cup crinkled for a moment before splitting in half, covering the Uchiha patriarch in tea. Shuddering even with the near burning tea soaking into his clothes, now he knew the crack cupped wasn't an odd coincidence, something bad was going to happen to him soon. Not even taking the time to wipe himself off, he stood up and headed out into the village, not even stopping to tell his wife. He found out the best thing to be when something bad was coming for you, was not be around in the first place.

'Goddamn father, always screwing everything up.'

Naruto could practically see the inner machinations of Itachi's mind right at that moment and greatly worried for Fugaku's health. He always liked the man, he was one of those guys that you could always go to for when you needed advice and from the looks of Itachi he wasn't going to be long for this world much longer. Naruto needed to placate the fem Uchiha quickly. Maybe a change of subject would work.

"What's in the bag?"

Itachi just sighed, forgoing the plotting of her sire's destruction and dragged the satchel over before opening it and dumping the contents out on the table, "Underwear, deodorant, a change of clothes for the girls…" she tossed him a small envelope, "an advance on your mission pay, along with a little bit extra so you can…" Itachi gave Blackfire a glare, "take them shopping."

"Well that was awful nice of Shizune…"

"She said your apartment was ill prepared to take care of a pair of girls in their teens," Itachi looked around the rather Spartan apartment, "Something I can for once agree with."

"I never planned to have a girl, much less two living with me," Naruto raised his hand to stop Itachi from saying something he would soon regret, "Also I'm usually out of the village, so this place it pretty much a place to crash and have my mail sent to."

Naruto's comment prompted Jinx to ask something that had been on her mind since making breakfast and now had the perfect opportunity to ask, "Why are you always out of the village Naruto?"

"Missions mostly, and a chance to get away Tsunade," Naruto rubbed his chin in thought before continuing, "Now that I think about it, it's mostly to get away from Tsunade."

"Couldn't you just tell her to stop? I mean what is she exactly to you?"

"Kind of can't, she's our Hokage after all," seeing that Jinx didn't know what a Hokage was, he explained further, "She's our boss," he gestured to Itachi and himself, "She gives us missions and stuff, runs the village."

"That cougar runs this place!?"

"Cougar?" Itachi asked, hearing the term for the first time.

Jinx looked at her oddly, "You don't know what a cougar is?" Seeing Itachi nod, Jinx couldn't help but find the girl a bit weird. 'Who the hell doesn't know what a cougar is?' It was completely unbelievable that a girl who exuded so much sex appeal didn't know one of the most common terms used.

Luckily or unluckily, depending on differing points of views, Naruto chose to answer, "It's a term for older women that are attracted to younger men."

Itachi pondered this for a moment, "So I would be considered a cougar?"

"No," Naruto waved his arms dramatically; he had to be careful when talking around Itachi, especially when those talks concerned women. Itachi had a tendency to overreact and the last thing he needed was a repeat of the birthday incident, "Think older…"

"Maybe someone like Tsume Inuzuka?" Itachi growled out.

Oh that name brought up several images to our hero, several that just wouldn't be proper to describe here so I'll give the basic gist of the incident, bathhouse, innocent/ignorant preteen Naruto, squealing Jiraiya. Use your imagination to fill in the blanks; I'm quite sure you wouldn't be too far off the mark. Even the ever gentlemanly Naruto couldn't keep the wistful grin from his face.

Jinx being the ever observant one, quickly took notice of the resident blonde's expression and one would have to be deaf to miss the low growl that seemed to be emitted from the Uchiha. She smirked as she faced Itachi, "I take it from Naruto's grin and the fact you're growling, that this Miss Inuzuka is a sore point for you."

"That woman is my arch nemesis. Not only is her son a pervert, but her daughter keeps trying to talk Naruto into doing inappropriate things." Itachi was starting to get onto a roll as she continued, "Tsume even tried to corrupt Naruto as a reward for him doing a good deed."

"Corrupt?"

"She jammed his head between her breasts, though she claimed it was only a harmless hug. But one does not normally get aroused by hugging a child."

Jinx cocked a brow as she listened on, listening to Itachi rant on as Naruto stayed in his own little world, some of the things she said would have been traumatizing but seeing as Naruto seemed fine was enough to put that train of thoughts to bed. But there was several things that seemed a bit odd, especially how detailed she was in describing what happened. Jinx just had to ask the obvious question.

"Were you there when this happened?"

Itachi paused mid-rant, "Yes, I was there with my mother."

"So…" Jinx paused to figure how she was going to word this, "Are you mad that this woman touched Naruto inappropriately or because she beat you to the punch?"

Itachi pouted at the sharp observation but continued nonetheless, "Is it wrong to be angry when some woman tries to stake a claim on your territory?"

Jinx couldn't fault the girl's logic. She may have not yet experienced something like Itachi had, but in the same situation she would most likely act the same, "So would that explain why you're currently giving Blackfire the stink eye?"

Yes Blackfire was still present and currently standing behind Naruto, ready to use said boy as a shield at a moment's notice. Itachi hadn't stopped staring at her once since she started her rant and was honestly beginning to unnerve her.

"Yes, yes it would." Itachi stopped scaring Blackfire to turn to Jinx, "You're pretty sharp, you know that? I like that in a person." She turned back to Blackfire, "You on the other hand, you I don't like. Not at all."

* * *

Raven couldn't help but sigh as she and Starfire followed the strange man through the settlement, occasionally stopping to catch Star before she wandered off, not that she could fault the girl. This place was one of the strangest settlements she had ever seen. There were power lines but no obvious means of generating power. Another thing was the lack of cars or any types of vehicles for that matter. There were no trucks, no motorcycles, not even a single scooter. How did a town this size get its supplies?

"_Raven, what are they doing with those cows?"_

Turning her head to see what Starfire was talking about; quite surprised to see several teams of oxen towing large loads of lumber. The sight of beasts of burden did very little to help her unease, instead adding to it. Things just didn't add up, but before she could voice her thoughts, their guide spoke.

"You guys never seen oxen at work?"

While neither girl could understand what Kakashi was saying exactly, they could get the gist from his body language and tone of voice made it obvious as they shook their heads.

"I don't know where you're from, but to move anything with that much weight requires oxen if you want it done in a timely fashion."

"_Friend Raven, what is he saying?"_

"_I think he's talking about those cows or something."_

"_And the strange humming and weaving?"_

Looking up, Raven could see that their one eyed guide was indeed humming some strange tune while weaving side to side as he walked.

"_I think he's high."_

"_On drugs?"_

"_Or something."_

"_But drugs are bad, m'kay."_

Raven could only close her eyes as a headache began to bloom behind them; it was all she could do as realization came. Someone had let Star watch Southpark, a mistake that Raven was sure was going to bite her in the ass later.

* * *

Wait a minute, you don't even know me." Blackfire growled out, fear giving way to anger.

Itachi spoke in low tones as she stepped forward, nudging Naruto out of the way, before standing nose to nose with Blackfire, "I know enough bimbo."

"_You know where I'm from those would be taken as fighting words."_ Blackfire snarled as she pressed her chest against the older girl's.

The threat wasn't lost on Itachi, even if she didn't understand a word the girl just said to her, "I don't like your tone. Don't think the fact that you have the protection of the village, I wouldn't put you in your place, _Tamaranean._"

88888

Okay it was obvious their guide was high. The fact that he wobbled as he walked or practically everything he said came out in an unintelligible slur. Even the slightly glazed eye was surpassed by something even more obvious.

"_When Brian Boitano was in the Alps,__  
__Fighting grizzly bears, __  
__He used his magical fire breath, __  
__and saved the maidens fair." _

Star began to sing songs from the Southpark movie, much to Raven's embarrassment.

"_So what would Brian Boitano do__  
__If he were here today, __  
__I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two, __  
__that's what Brian Boitano'd do.__ "_

And then their guide had joined in, somehow speaking perfect English; adding to aneurism Raven was sure was forming somewhere in her brain, most likely whatever lobe the concept of reason existed in. It was the only way she could excuse herself for oddly chuckling before she caught herself. This was bad news, whatever madness that affected this world was affecting her.

"_And what would Brian Boitano do, __  
__He'd call all the kids in town,__  
__and tell them to unite for true__  
__that's what Brian Boitano would do."_

So as she listened to Starfire and Kakashi begin to sing another verse, Raven could only wonder what other kind of madness laid ahead.

* * *

"How the hell do you know that?" Blackfire barked as she pushed Itachi away and finally releasing Naruto from his stupor, "I only told Naruto."

Itachi could only brush her hands through her bangs at the girl, "I'm an ANBU; I have my ways."

Naruto chose this moment to speak, wiping a bit of drool from mouth, "Meaning she bugged my apartment… again."

That surprised Jinx, not every day you hear about a gross negligence of privacy, "She's done it before?"

"I've had to sweep my apartment for bugs at least once a month since I turned fifteen."

Jinx turned to Itachi, cocking a brow, "Why?"

"Would you trust the man you love to behave responsibly after spending three years with a notorious pervert? He could have been infected by the man."

Now that was a bit of a surprise to Jinx as she turned to Naruto, "You spent three years with a pervert?"

"The man she's talking about was my teacher. I was training."

"Your master is a pervert?"

"So was the leader of my team when I was a Genin."

"That's not exactly helping your case Naruto."

Before Naruto could dig himself further into a hole, Blackfire was in the middle of the group, panic fighting with anger to see which would manifest itself on her face, "How can you people ignore something so important. She knows our secret!"

"That you're attracted to Naruto; to the point that you feel an odd wetness when exposed to his scent?" This was of course Itachi.

Jinx could only look scandalized as she remembered the embarrassing conversation the two shared during the night before, "You said that was sweat!"

Blackfire blushed furiously as she stammered an excuse, "It was! The bedroom was hot and we didn't open the window before we went to bed."

Itachi kept her inquisition going, "And the erect nipples?"

"I'm not wearing a bra and the fabric rubs against them!"

Naruto turned away from Blackfire, trying to keep his eyes face level as he asked Jinx the obvious question, "Blackfire likes me?"

"Why do you act surprised, never had a girl admit that she finds you attractive?"

"Not such a normal one."

Jinx could only stare dumbfounded at Naruto, trying to figure out what went so wrong in the boy's life that someone like Blackfire, bless her heart, was considered a normal girl.

"We're you dropped on your head as a baby or something?"

"Not that I know of, but I heard stories that my I used to be taken into bars by my caretaker and his teammate to pick up women."

"What?" The tone was lower than Jinx had planned but it conveyed the message she was trying to get across.

"Shouldn't we break those two up?" Naruto looked to Blackfire and Itachi, who at the moment looked about ready to come to blows.

"Forget them for now. I want you to explain to me why the hell your caretakers were taking a small child into a bar to pick up women."

"Would you believe me if I told you they were desperate and I was described as being an adorable bundle of joy who would weaken the defense of even the most frigid of women?"

"You can't honestly believe that?"

"Not at all, but it sounded so cool to be told that when I was five. Now as much as I love bringing up events that should be traumatic to my development as a balanced person, we really should help Blackfire. Itachi has her backed into a corner."

"Blackfire can take care of herself. Now I want details on your upbringing."

Naruto just pointed behind Jinx, "I'm not joking; Itachi really has her backed into a corner."

Jinx just sighed at the obvious attempt to change subjects but was willing to let it slide for now instead turning around to see just what Naruto was pointing at, surprised to find that Blackfire really was backed into a corner by the irate ANBU, the former glancing between Itachi and a percolator as they argued. Now the idea of seeing someone bludgeoned to death with a coffee pot was humorous, she didn't want to be the one tasked with cleaning up the mess.

"Now listen you two," Jinx forced herself between the two, "Can't you two settle this like proper people, or am I going to have to take you over my knee."

Blackfire was first respond while settling a glare on her opponent, "Settle it? I didn't even start it."

"The fact that even as a guest in this village, you tried to seduce your caretaker is more than enough proof that you cannot be trusted to be left alone with Naruto!"

"Are you crazy?" Blackfire threw her arms up, "First off I'm not alone with Naruto, there's Jinx…"

Itachi just sneered, "Like the bathroom incident this morning."

"That was an accident…" Blackfire retorted before continuing on, "Second, I haven't tried to seduce Naruto. I mean I've only known him for a day."

"So you would seduce him if you had more time?"

"I didn't say that at all you black haired witch!" Blackfire snapped back.

Naruto was the first to point out Blackfire's mistake, "You know Itachi didn't say that right?" before wincing as Blackfire's piercing glare landed on him before turning to Jinx.

"Are you trying to actively sabotage me or is this a game to you?"

Jinx just shrugged, "I was just asking. I mean it's obvious that you have a thing for Naruto."

Seeing that this situation was quickly escalating out of hand, he did what any sane male would have done; he tried to change the subject, "Itachi don't you have to report this to Shizune or something? I mean you dropped off what you needed to"

Itachi fluttered her eyes, "Maybe I wanted to spend some time with my favorite blonde."

"Aren't you technically on duty?"

Itachi sighed as she realized that Naruto was right. This delivery was technically classed as a mission and now Itachi really wished she listened to Shizune before accepting the mission. Now she was bound by the damn rules. But all was not lost, it would take her ten minutes to reach the tower and report, the time it would take to convince Shizune that Naruto wasn't equipped nor prepared to resist the orange succubus' attempts against his chastity, he would surely need help; help that Itachi would offer her services towards.

Naruto though wasn't sure if he could be happy while he watched Itachi form the seals needed to perform the body flicker technique, but the thoughts he could see going through her face unnerved him slightly. Even as the smoke the technique emitted began to clear the sense of unease just wouldn't leave, nothing in his life ever went simply. Add to the fact that this was Itachi, his self-proclaimed fiancé, not that he could get her to understand that they weren't engaged. No this was just the opening act for things to come, things that could only go from bad to worse.

"Now that Itachi is gone, I would like some explanation as to why everyone in this place is so weird and seemingly centered around you."

Staring at Jinx and pondering just how he was going to explain the happenings of his life, before realizing that bad had gone to worse much sooner than anticipated; once again affirming that the gods truly had it in for him.

* * *

We now return to the lovely ladies of the Hyuuga persuasion…

"Now as you ladies can see, Naruto Uzumaki is a fine specimen of a male." The speaker said as she clicked the remote for the next slide, taking a moment to look over the gathered crowd, not the least surprised to find several including Hinata lying unconscious. She made a note to tell Hisaki to use mosaics next time she decided to take pictures of Naruto visiting the bathhouse.

"From the information we have gathered, Uzumaki is single and lives alone in a small apartment towards the outskirts of the village near the merchant district," she paused as several members jotted down information into the notepads that somehow appeared in their hands, "We have also heard rumors that Uzumaki is in the closet, gay for those who didn't understand the meaning of the previous sentence but those were quickly followed and proven to be false. It seems the boy just doesn't have the time to pursue a relationship, not to mention the hurdles he would have to face to do so."

She twisted on the balls of her feet and began to pace between the podium and projection screen, "Some of those hurtles are quite obvious, the fact our Hokage Lady Tsunade seems to be infatuated with Naruto is one of them. But there are several others that must be noted. Tsume Inuzuka along with her daughter seem to be keeping tabs on the young man, in the case of Hana Inuzuka, even going to so far to ask him out on dates, even after been refused several times. There is also the waitress at a ramen stand Naruto frequently visits, our intelligence tells us she is the daughter of the owner and seems to hold Naruto in a familial light, but how long this can continue is unknown so it would be wise not to count this girl out."

The speaker paused as she let the new information settle before she continued on, "But there is a factor that greatly endangers our chances with Naruto Uzumaki. This of course comes from a source that has been a thorn in our side since the days of Konoha's founding. I am of course talking about the Uchiha clan." She waited for the gasps to quiet down, "It's known to everyone in the village that the daughter of the matriarch is quite enamored with him, even going so far to claim that she is engaged to Uzumaki, a claim the boy denies vehemently. There have also been rumors that several other girls in the clan have also been trying to curry favor with the blonde."

"But we will not let this stand. Too long has our clan been overshadowed by the Uchihas. Too long have we had to sit back and watch as other clans came into the limelight. Too long have we had to settle for men with pasty complexions who spend more time on their hair than we do. It is our time to shine."

"We did not take power of the clan to just sit back and let things go their own way. We had to deal with the hardships thanks to the phallocracy of our clan, even go so far to make concessions to the males of branch house to prevent another rebellion. We didn't tolerate those things to just sit back and sip tea in our own personal shop, though it is quite nice, but I digress. We did it so we could have a say in our own futures, and if those futures contain a nice boy with a touch of innocence that so many in his profession lose, who are we to let that be lost. It is our time ladies, time for us to seize the bull by the balls!" Immediately one of the women that was helping with the presentation rushed to the speaker and whispered in her ear, causing her to blush, "It seems I made a mistake, the correct term is 'seize the bull by the horns' not anything that's on the other end, though the point still stands!"

As the speaker finished her speech with a flourish, the reaction of the crowd was one that would be remembered for generations. There was of course the roaring cheer that echoed across the compound, but there was an even greater reaction among those women. There was no longer the barrier of main house and branch, noble and servant. They were united towards one cause; the cause of an excellent sex life for once.

Meanwhile…

As the cheer echoed across the compound several male members of the clan paused from their landscaping duties to look at one another.

"You know something appears to be odd as of late," the first one spoke as he returned to raking.

His partner looked up from the pile of lawn clippings that he putting in a lawn bag, "You mean the fact that we, a clan that has been run by males since its founding, has been taken over by the women of the clan, who only have a handful of members that have any kind of formal combat training?"

"I wasn't thinking anything along those lines…"

"Or the fact they now have support of nearly all male members of the branch house along with several of the main house now due to giving them the Judas that brought about this whole situation for proper punishment?"

"Not exactly…"

A voice suddenly called out from above, "Would it help if I said I was sorry?"

Both landscapers glared at the source of the voice, a young man bound at the top of a large pole in the clearing they were currently working in, before speaking in turns.

"Why should it? You're the source of all this trouble to begin with."

"Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut? Why would you reveal one of the great traditions of the Hyuuga clan?"

The Hyuuga with the rake nodded sagely, "The greatest tradition in my opinion."

Bag Hyuuga nodded in agreement, "It was something we have done for years, even before we settled in Konoha, and you mention it casually, in the presence of women no less. Did you have any idea the repercussions that would come from your comment?"

"My own teammate tried to castrate me, wasn't that enough?" the bound youth said in an embarrassing, near whining tone.

The two groundskeepers shouted in unison, "**NO!**"

Seeing that his attempt to garner sympathy failed spectacularly the young man asked another question, "Could you at least let me down to use the bathroom?"

"You are only to be let down for meals and possible thunderstorms and seeing that the sky is clear it's safe to say you're going to have to wait till lunch time, you'll just have to hold it." Bag Hyuuga turned back to his partner, "Now you were saying?"

"What I was trying to say before we got off track was about this tree, I mean it's odd that it's losing its leaves this soon, its still midsummer. You don't think it's sick or something right?"

Seeing exactly what his partner was saying, the Hyuuga laid down his bags before walking up to the tree in question and scraping a bit of bark with a thumbnail before peering closer, "It seems the core is still alive."

"Think we should report this to the head groundskeeper?"

"We should, it's not like we can convince everyone that even without leaves it has a healthy core."

Above them Neji Hyuuga could only sigh as he watched the two men gather various implements used in lawn care before they left, leaving him with a full bladder and his thoughts as his only company. Glancing down at his shadow, the onetime prodigy estimated how long it would be before he would be released from his punishment to eat, only to sigh even harder when he realized his shadow fell on stone that represented it was about ten in the morning. The stone of course was placed by those unsympathetic but oh so loveable children of various clan members, turning him into some sort of sundial. So he would be bound to this post for at least a few more hours with no way to relieve himself and to make matter worse his nose started to itch. For Neji this was a sign that this was going to be one of 'those' days, days that were seemingly becoming more common, making it seem that he was once again becoming fate's bitch, and knowing his luck, he wouldn't be wrong.

* * *

Jinx just sat on the couch trying to wrap her mind what Naruto had told her, "So let me get this straight, you're an orphan because a giant demonic fox attacked your city and killing countless ninja including your parents on the day you were born nearly seventeen years ago before being defeated by the fourth Hokage who sacrificed himself in the process, then his predecessor who took up the task of leadership again decided to take you in because he was worried that the regular citizens would find some odd connection between you and the demon attack."

Naruto paused mid stomach crunch to confirm, "Pretty much."

"This man… Old Man Sarutobi was it?" seeing Naruto nod, Jinx continued, "Who raised you till you were five till his female teammate who you refer to as Granny Koharu found out that Sarutobi used to take you when he bar hopped with his other teammate, resulting in them nearly being beaten to death by the irate woman and you getting this apartment."

"That's right."

"She is also the woman who taught you how to cook, clean, and to budget so you could handle living alone as child. She is also the one who would set up play dates with other mothers so you would have some normal childhood experiences which in turn resulted with you meeting that crazy Uchiha girl."

"I wouldn't say Itachi is crazy…"

Jinx interrupted, "She bugs your apartment."

Naruto stopped exercising to scratch his neck as he thought of proper way to describe Itachi, one that didn't make out to be too insane before returning to his crunches, "I would use the term dedicated."

"She looks like the type that would try to kill any competition she has for you."

Naruto had to wince at that, Jinx had pretty much hit the nail on the head.

"Listen before I can ask any more questions could you please stop what you're doing, it's making me uncomfortable."

Naruto could only cock a brow, "Why? All I'm doing is my morning exercises."

"No… you are doing vertical crunches while sticking to ceiling."

"And?"

"Your shirt isn't covering anything and you're sweating."

"Ah…" Naruto nodded his head in understanding, "You can't handle the sheer manliness that I'm giving off. Is my lil Jinx finally growing up and no longer thinking boys are icky anymore?"

A pen zipping by his head and embedding next to his ear was his answer. Apparently Jinx was one of those girls who didn't like to be on the other end of a teasing, "You do realize that you are currently a guest in my home right? I don't own this place, so please don't put holes in my walls, I would like to get my security deposit back."

Jinx just crossed her arms, "I wouldn't have to if you just did what I said."

"So you prefer to be the dominant one in a relationship." Naruto had to cut off the flow of chakra from his feet to prevent the next pen from pinning his foot to the ceiling, flipping midair to land in a crouch, "Would you seriously stop doing that? Why can't you be nice like Blackfire, she hasn't complained about my exercises."

"That's because she probably has been undressing you with her eyes since you started, not that it would take much to do."

Naruto looked down at himself to see what was wrong with what he was wearing, a simple white t-shirt along with a pair blue shorts favored by the civilians that exercised in the village which covered a pair of black boxers, nothing abnormal at all, it wasn't as if he paraded around in spandex like Gai and Lee, now there was an outfit that left little to the imagination. Looking back up at Jinx, he had to ask something, "Are you a prude or something?"

Jinx could only look slighted at Naruto's remark but before she say something to defend herself a knock rang out from Naruto's front door. One the boy quickly moved with Jinx in two to answer while using the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face as he opened the door, surprised to find Kakashi standing there.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

"Morning Naruto."

* * *

Kakashi couldn't help but giggle as he led his two temporary charges through the village proper, weaving between civilians as he walked, slowing down periodically to make sure the girls didn't get separated from him in the bustle. If that happened his plan for entertainment and much needed research for Jiraiya would fall through his fingers, and it wouldn't look to well to somewhat sterling reputation if he lost two obviously foreign girls in the organized madness that was Konoha on a market day, that would do at all. He had to deliver these two girls to Naruto; the red head was obviously the sister of the black haired girl he found in his student's bed earlier this morning so that would probably end in teary reunion of some form.

Now the girl wearing the strange one piece was another matter. Kakashi couldn't quite place her position in this whole scenario. On one hand she was obviously close to red head, most likely a close friend, she was also seemed to be the most serious of the pair, but Kakashi couldn't help but sense there was something odd about the girl, like she was missing a part of herself, but Kakashi wasn't one to ponder about things. Not with the top grade high he was in. Glancing back he was slightly surprised to find the two girls were calmly eating apples, where they got the fruit he had no idea, while holding a conversation in that strange language of theirs, one that he found himself singing in earlier to his surprise, still not quite sure how that came into being, so he blamed it on the morphine.

Soon the crowd was thinning out as the trio made their way out of the market district. Kakashi turned around and continued to walk backwards as he watched as the girls looked around at the buildings that made up this particular district which piqued Kakashi's curiosity slightly, he would've pursued the thought further but they were too close to their destination and it wasn't as if the girls would have understood him to begin with so he might as well continue to go through the current plan of action.

A few more minutes of walking brought them to Naruto's apartment complex and after several flights of stairs had the trio standing outside a door that seemed no different than any of the others than lined the hall. Kakashi looked to the girls before reaching up and knocking on the door in front not even making an attempt to hide his grin as Naruto had added to his plan unknowingly when he saw the just how the boy had opened the door as he watched both girls blush at the boy's appearance.

"Kakashi sensei?"

"Morning Naruto."

"What are you doing here?"

"Is it wrong to want to visit one of my students?"

Naruto just crossed his arms as he leaned against the door jam, "You were here this morning when you broke into my apartment, which with you isn't too far from the norm, you also don't show up twice in a day unless you're planning something so what's your game plan old man."

Kakashi could only wave a hand in dismissal at Naruto's comment, "I just wanted to meet your two guests."

"How do know about them… wait you were here earlier, never mind stupid question. Anyway why are you here, really?"

"Would you mind letting us in?" Kakashi asked, not even giving Naruto a chance to respond before herding the two girls past the boy then dragging him inside, closing the door with his foot.

"What the hell Kakashi? Who the hell are they and why did you bring them here?"

"_You!"_

"_What are you doing here?!"_

"_Sister?"_

* * *

1.)

Basically an end all situation. Tsunade is loose, Naruto is present, and somehow Shizune is indisposed. Standard procedure consists of clearing away all civilians and/or Genin present while any ninja with the rank Jounin or higher works on distracting the target. If the target is enraged or sex crazed it is deemed acceptable to sacrifice someone. This someone is always Naruto as he is still young, spry, and most likely the cause of the situation to begin with. He almost always escapes and always managed to buy the rest of the ninja corps time to work as he leads Tsunade away.

Fun Fact, this situation has occurred four times since Tsunade's return; resulting in Konoha now having two new hospital wings, a fully renovated playground, and a state of the art wastewater treatment plant, the latter being the result of Naruto being really, **really** desperate to get away.

AN: Finally got around to throwing this up, with the majority of this being done well over a year or two. Also this is actually part of a chapter that ended up way longer than I had planned, so I decided to split it up to better match the scale of the previous chapter. With that said, the other half will be uploaded either later today or tomorrow. As always, please read and review because I'm open to many sensible suggestions.


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